Indiana Summer

Two weeks ago little Abe and I went on a five hour trip south with my mom and my sister. We found ourselves in southern Indiana where many of my mom's relatives live and also where my grandparents lived when I was a kid. When I agreed to go on the trip with my mom and sister I wasn't really sure what I was signing on to. I haven't seen the majority of my relatives in Indiana since my grandmother's funeral eleven years ago. In a way they're almost like strangers. Between five of my cousins there are at least ten children in the family in southern Indiana that I'd never met. Is it weird for me to have been a little nervous about visiting my own family?

When I was a kid I remember dreading the drive down there. It was about an hour longer back then but for as old as I was and as annoying as my brothers could be it seemed more like a fifty hour drive then like the six hour drive it actually was. But the six hour drive also meant that we were going to visit my grandparents and their wilderness wonderland. For that I'd make the excruciating trip again and again. I know that at least once my parents dropped my brothers and I off at my grandparent's house and left us there for a portion of the summer. The three of us were free to roam the thirty two wilderness acres, investigate the gardens, swim in and fish in the ponds, and for hours on end enjoy every single bit of what it meant to be a kid.

Grandmother and Grandpa with
one of my aunts (their first born)

 I'm convinced that my intense love for nature started after those six hour drives in the summer as a kid. I hold very dear some of my fondest childhood memories from my Indiana summers. I remember so clearly the adventures my brothers and I had with our cousins in those clay bottom ponds. Visions of us swinging from grape vines over ravines in the woods have never left me. I remember firefly evenings and the smells that always came from my grandparents kitchen. I remember my grandpa taking us for amusement park like rides in his little tractor which he fondly referred to as Little Mack. Sometimes if I close my eyes and think hard enough I can smell the cigar smoke, Indiana clay aroma, and sawdust that mingled together in their garage. And how prim and proper both of my grandparents were, our grammar was always corrected, no running in the house, and no hats were allowed at the table.

Their home in Indiana shorty after it was built,
with only a small corner of the bigger pond showing.

After my parents divorced my grandparents sold their home in Indiana so they could move next door to my mom, their youngest. The property had housed their dream home. They built the house and spent their retirement working on the land. It meant a lot for them to move away from so much of their family that they'd spent so many years near and to leave behind their home. They did it to be with us, with my mom. Unfortunately my grandpa passed during the move. It was weird how in a very few short years during my adolescence I lost my family (when my parents divorced I felt like I lost my mom and my dad), I lost sight of who I was and all self confidence, I lost my favorite place in the world (my grandparent's home in Indiana), and I lost my grandpa. I mean talk about childhood being ripped away all at once.

My grandparent's have both been gone for a long time now. Eleven years ago my grandmother very happily departed in her sleep. She was ready. She missed my grandpa so very much. And more then twenty years ago my grandpa left us far, far too soon. It's been close to twenty five years since I last felt the magic, the safety, the love, and the very meaning of what it is to live while at my grandparent's home in Indiana. I've lamented that loss ever since.

Back to where I started, two weeks ago, seven hours after I got out of work including one rather exhausting five hour car ride later little Abe, my sister, my mom and I found ourselves in southern Indiana at my aunts house in the country. The sky was a dark nigh time expanse, clear as could be and speckled with millions of stars. Crickets were chirping, tree frogs were singing. In the darkness I could smell my grandparents home (although we were no where near it actually).

We spent the next three days reuniting with wonderful family. Except for the new children and the years we each wore (everyone looks so much older, including us to them) it was like time hadn't really passed. My mom's family are so kind and inviting. They're so down to earth and real. They're just as I remembered them and better.

A bridge my cousin built over a
fantastic stone bottom creek.

Between the five different homes we visited and the (literal) hundreds of acres combined that surrounded the homes, the three separate ponds, fish, the wilderness trails, dogs, goats, goat dogs... lets just say my Indiana family is living my grandparents Indiana legacy. I was in heaven. One morning my sister and I sat on my aunt's porch enjoying paradise for two hours while little Abe played in the wonderful hot end of summer sunshine.

This little man had the time of his life
(and made several new furry friends)

Little Abe took tractor rides through the forests, skipped rocks in the creek, threw fish food to catfish, watched Doug the dog try to catch fish, oh yeah while he was swimming in the ponds with Doug and Cooper (another dog). He also swam and played with new cousins he'd never met before. He ran around outside barefoot for hours on end. He climbed trees, watched a plethora of different birds and butterflies, and truly enjoyed the beauty of hundreds of different flowers. Apart from the fireflies I remember as a child that were apparently out of season and swinging from grape vines (which I'm okay with him not having done) he spent three days in southern Indiana almost exactly as I remember it. It was the biggest blessing in the world for me to witness my son enjoying exactly what I remember so fondly enjoying when I was a child.

During the last evening there we had a big family cookout. Seeing everyone was wonderful. Enjoying the Indiana wilderness, and more than that, watching my son revel in adventure was priceless. The vacation away from home to just relax, with family, in so much beauty... it was basically like being at a cabin in the woods by a small lake for three days which I never ever get to do, was amazing! But most of all I regained something vastly precious that had been lost to me for almost twenty five years. Even though my grandparent's home in Indiana is essentially gone (no longer in the family; I can't go back and be with them there) I felt like I was there. And spending time with my aunt who looks (and acts) SOOOO much like my grandmother in her "mature" years, visiting with cousins that remind me of my grandpa, being with family that we mostly have only been with and around through my grandparents... I think the best way to say it is that pieces of my grandparents are in all of their children and grandchildren and great grand children and I could feel that while we were down there visiting. My grandparents have both been gone for eleven years, plus, but they were there. My cup runneth over. 

Happy Birthday Maggie Honey

Our middle child (this furry princess) turned ten today. She received two gifts (picked out by little Abe), a bone and a (50% off) dog bed. She also got a bath, a good brushing, and a little extra attention.

Her little brother insisted that she needed a birthday hat thus the one pictured above that he made for her. I'm not so sure she was thrilled about the hat but it does look really cute on her and little Abe is rather proud of it.

Happy tenth birthday Maggie Honey!

I feel like the one whose been given the greatest gift.
My family is beyond priceless.

First Time Cracking an Egg

Our cookies with some yogurt in between and left in the freezer for a bit

Married at 19, four kids at 28, and divorced at 30. In the blink of an eye my mom went from a full time housewife/ stay at home mom to a 40+ hour a week third shift factory worker who slept as much as she could manage and spent the rest of her waking hours surviving and raising four small children alone.

Before the catastrophic shift in all our lives she was teaching me how to cook. I remember I had this small set of little kid cook books. I loved those books. I think that having my very own cook books made me feel like something of an adult. Each one had a certain category of food. I seem to remember one being beverages and there was a recipe for egg nog in that one. There was one for desserts which had a recipe for a chocolate dump cake that I was always thrilled to make. I don't remember what the four categories were or what other recipes were included but the books were a pale yellow color and I loved them.

My favorite thing to do with my mom though was bake Christmas cookies. We had a set of recipes that we/ she made every single year and Christmas cookie baking time was certainly the highlight of every Christmas season. I was still young when my parents split but I enjoyed cooking with my mom before the microwave baked potatoes or noodles with cheese days.

My son is a super spunky three year old who loves to bake with mommy. I generally let him pour/ dump the ingredients in the bowl and he helps me stir. If there's kneading or rolling pin work to be done he's sure to lend a hand. He loves "sprinkling" flour on the table and sampling the dough. And he almost always asks to crack the egg. I've always, always, always said, "no, you have to wait until you're bigger." I mean, come on, there are adults who can't properly crack an egg.

Today we made chocolate chip cookies. He was thrilled when I handed him an empty measuring cup and told him he needed to scoop the sugar. I always scoop each ingredient and then hand him the cup to dump in the bowl. This time was special. He got to scoop the white sugar all by himself and then the brown. He stirred them into the butter and then I completed that task. Then I handed him the egg. He hadn't even asked if he could crack it. I wish I could describe the look to you that he had on his face. It was a look that said a million things, "am I really old enough? are you actually letting me do this? are you serious? is this a joke? have I just won the lottery?" (okay maybe not that one since he doesn't know what the lottery is)

I told him to tap it on the edge of the table and he was radiant. He tapped it, tapped it once more and then got to crack it into the small bowl I set aside specifically for the egg. Once I picked two little bits of shell out he got to place the newly cracked egg into the butter sugar mix. He was on cloud nine. I also let him measure out the flour, baking soda, salt and chips. His first batch of cookies, that if you were to ask him he made all on his own. In truth, the white sugar probably had a bit less than it called for. The brown sugar was a little bit more. The flour wasn't exactly measured (as you might imagine with a three year old at the helm) but I think this was our most successful batch of cookies to date.

My new years resolution was to experience more new things. I have a cheat because I'm living life with a small child. Today's new experience was brilliant! Experiencing my son cracking an egg for the very first time... this one goes down in the books (or on the blog). Very much like the good days of childhood when I used to bake with my mother.

My mom with my brothers
(I think my son looks just like both of them)

Thank-you for thirteen years

It was different this time. The vet said kidney failure.

In most people's eyes we said good-bye to a cat on Monday. 

But Deedee was our baby girl. Our family has never been without her.
She was our first love (our first kiddo), the most beautiful cat that ever lived; 

so much more than just a cat. Our home feels so empty now. 

I will love you forever baby girl, forever.
Thank-you for thirteen incredible years.

Thirteen years ago (almost to the day)

Thankful for my Husband

Ever had a crush on someone for years? But it’s kind of a silly crush, the kind of crush where you don’t really expect to end up with the person; like they’re so different from you that it hardly makes sense. Then suddenly (four years later) at a music festival six hours from home this person says how they’ve liked you for ages/ had a sort of silly crush for years that they never expected to go anywhere. A little over a year passes and you’re driving to Georgia to get married. And after 13 years of marriage, you’re both fully aware that you wouldn’t want to do life with any other single soul on the planet; that likely there’s no chance any other person alive could deal with each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies. We drive each other completely insane and I’m totally okay with that. There’s no one else in all of space or time… I’m very thankful for the man I married, my other half.

Thanksgiving, day two

For ten years I prayed for you. For ten years I longed to see your face, hold you in my arms and hear your little cries, coos, and giggles. For ten years I knew that I’d meet you someday but I had no idea when that day would be. I’ve known exactly who I was since I was a little kid. I’ve been strong and stubborn, blunt, not always kind but very loving all of my life. I’ve always been me. And yet, a little over three years ago when I met you for the first time I became someone new. I became your mom. My world was totally transformed. Who I am now has so much to do with you being here. You amaze me every day. You astonish me every day. It never seems possible to love you more then I already do and yet I love you more with each and every day. My little Abe, there will never ever be words to express how thankful I am for you.

Oh Monday, Monday!

Today did NOT start well. Between hacker problems (or a huge glitch on MSN's part) and leaving for work without having had any coffee, and starting work without having had any coffee... can you sense how great my morning was?

It's ending quite well though. And I love lists. Have I said before how much I love lists. I made my 31 happy to-dos list yesterday and today I was determined to at least mark one thing off of it. It was a gloomy coolish day all day. When I got home from work my little Abe was very wide awake (should have been napping (Oh Monday, Monday)) and in a really good bubbly mood. I made an executive decision to skip his nap, call over to his Grammy and Papa's house, and see if Papa would be willing to teach him how to shoot his bow today. I bought this bow and arrow set on clearance, 50% off at the beginning of last month. Today is the first time I've given it to him. He was in shock. Number 31 on my 31 happy to-dos for October is now marked off. And my kid is on cloud nine!

Little Abe with Grammy and Papa

For a child who wants to be Robin Hood when he grows up today was amazing. He is very, VERY proud of himself for learning this new sport. He actually got one arrow in the ring right next to the bulls eye. At first he thought it was a miraculous feat. Then he emphatically exclaims, "Hey, I'm almost Robin Hood now." You cannot help but laugh at that. Right? Haha!

Loving lists on this Monday Monday! I also see an early bedtime in the near future and some hot cider, first of the year. Oh, how I love hot cider!

Fun on the beach

Yesterday around six o'clock the little guy and I headed to the beach for a Sunday evening stroll. We brought his football and my camera. The two of us spent an hour together walking on the beach, chasing the football, playing in sand, looking at tiny shells and feathers. There was a little bit of seagull chasing and lots of giggling. He insisted on making a "sand castle" in the middle of the beach with dry sand. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his pile of sand wasn't a castle. He was so proud of his sand pile.

We live really close to the beach but we don't head down there super often. There are usually a lot of people there and honestly the beach is not nearly as fun or memorable when it's covered in bodies. Yesterday was perfect! It was an overcast evening with just enough slit in the clouds for a beautiful pre-sunset glow. The cool (but not cold) breeze seemed to be keeping the people away. Or maybe people have just stopped visiting the beach since it's officially autumn now. The waves were small but the sound of them was just loud enough to carry away every stray thought and calm ones mind. The sounds of seagulls calling to each other on the beach (or yelling at each other; seagulls are very feisty birds) and waves breaking on the shore are some of the most calming sounds I've ever known. It was the perfect evening. 

This little dude kept telling me, "this is my best day ever." He's very easily entertained but it was really a perfectly wonderful evening. Truly the both of us are pretty easily pleased. A beautiful sky, the soothing sounds of nature, calm quite fresh air out of doors by the lake, and fun, good quality time spent together; THAT is the most perfect of free fun!

The sky was overcast most of the evening. No one here was able to see the beginning of the eclipse but the clouds broke just in time. Shortly before the moon turned red there wasn't a cloud to be seen. My husband was at work but little Abe and I watched the red eclipsed moon together. Even though he does not understand what he saw it was pretty special.

A day sacrificed to poor detective skills

Up and down day here but it was a NO SPEND and we got a free dinner. I suppose I should be on cloud nine. I had very well intentioned plans to clean my house today but I sat down to do some ancestry research on my hubby's side of the family and then all of the sudden the morning was gone. Little Abe was playing with his new toy puppies all morning. Apart from finding two newspaper articles and a businesses listing from the early 1900's that allowed me to learn that my husband's grandpa owned a small grocery store in our town and where the grocery store was located and that the grocery store had their own basketball team that played other area business basketball teams I found very little with my morning's worth of research. Kind of neat info though considering that my husband is a manager at a grocery store.

On the way to a family gathering for my husband's side I told him that I learned his grandpa owned a grocery store and he was like, "yeah, I know." Ugh! Thirteen years we've been married. I jotted down some family info so that I could ask his uncle some questions at the family gathering because in all honesty my husband knows virtually nothing about his family history and I'd at least like to know for my son's sake. His uncle really didn't know anything either. He didn't even know how many kids his aunts and uncles had or what any of their names might be. He couldn't even remember the name of one of his uncles. Is it odd that I think people should know these things?

Now Monday is drawing ever closer. Sunday is coming to a close. A new work week will be starting and I kind of feel like today vanished in the blink of an eye. Cheer up Charlie!

The man in the back row on the left is my husband's Paternal grandpa. My husband never got to meet him as he died at a pretty young age. I read in the news articles today that the grocery store he owned with the family name was sold after he passed. He left a widow and five children, three of which she had adopted because his first wife died very young leaving him with three children. I imagine his widow must have sold the store to pay the bills and such. Those are his brothers and sisters in the back. Although I'm told he has another brother not pictured. I don't know which sibling is which but I was able to find out names from ancestry.com. The people in front are my husband's great grandpa and great grandma. I also found out their names online. My husband had no idea what their names were. Come on people! Know your family history already. I propose we re-institute the enormous family Bibles where we keep track of everyone in the family for generations. Anyone know where I might get a new one of those so at least my son can have a huge book with all these names in it that I've been researching for the past several years?

Okay, maybe I'll go try and clean something now.

Spending rundown today: $0 NO SPEND day 68 for the year.

My budget for the month is $513.62 which leaves $263.41

Average daily spending for 2015: $18.05

The Beauty in a Child's Simple Prayer

One of my son's most special toys right now is this tiny cat figurine that he got out of one of the quarter machines at the front of the store. He named the little grey kitty with green eyes "Whiskers." He adores Whiskers. He even snatched a scrap of fleece from my sewing supplies to make Whiskers her very own cozy blankie. Yesterday on the way out of work I plopped two quarters into one of the machines at the front of the store and purchased a friend for Whiskers. There was no doubt in my mind that little Abe would be thrilled when I arrived home and presented him with the tiny brown dog. You'd have thought I'd spent several hundred dollars on the gift if you had seen the surprise and delight in my little guy's eyes.

Little Abe played with Whisker and Pappy (the little brown dog) all evening yesterday. The two little critters had quite the lot of adventures together and even got to take a tubby after all their hard adventuring. Most of the adventuring involved going for walks together, hiding in caves at any sign of trouble, and somehow still managing to get trapped underneath a cup that Pappy was always certain had delicious ice cream underneath it. It didn't. There was no ice cream. It was always a trap and then Whiskers had to say all kinds of strange code words to get the cup to let Pappy go.

When darkness fell and I had to let the real dogs outside for one last time Little Abe wanted to bring Whiskers and Pappy outside with us. I told him there was too great a possibility of them getting lost, if he dropped them and to leave them inside. We let the dogs out and my boy ran circles around the backyard like the Tasmanian Devil on Looney Tunes. The boy ALWAYS has loads of energy even right before bedtime. When it was time to go inside little Abe stopped in his tracks at the back door, opened up his clenched fist and proclaimed, "Oh no! I lost Pappy!" There Whiskers sat in his little hand but his new little pal was no where to be seen.

In truth I was pretty mad. I just told him he couldn't bring the two of them outside. Now here we were ready for bed standing in the dark of night in our backyard and one of Little Abe's most precious treasures was laying somewhere in the grass and Whiskers was all alone. My child convinced me to get a flash light and he'd wear his miners hat so that we could look for a little while. And we did, for probably 20 minutes. We looked and looked and we found nothing. I told him we'd look again in the morning but that Pappy was going to have to sleep outside tonight. There were a few tears. He was very worried Pappy would be sad and lonely. I told him in my frustration there was a very good possibility we'd never see Pappy again.

Morning came. I woke before the little one, made coffee and sat down to read. Before long my best buddy woke, walked to the living room, gave me my morning snuggles and then he looked at the front window and says, "oh, sorry mom but you see, the sun is up now. Let's go outside and find my puppy." I made him feed the real dogs first but then we headed out. Before we got outside I told him, very matter of factly, "Abner you better say a prayer to God that He helps you find your puppy. There is a chance we might not ever find him." He told me that he surely would but that he was going to wait and say a prayer under the lilac bush. I started making small passes through the yard (again), the same way I'd done the night before. Little Abe ran off to look and I saw him run under the lilac bush. I was on my third pass when I saw the little brown dog between a few blades of grass. I truly was not expecting to find it. I was hoping but not expecting. My heart jumped.

I picked the dog up, placed it in my pocket and started walking back to the lilac bush to tell little Abe. I saw that he was whispering under the lilac bush. He began walking towards me with a smile on his face when he saw me coming. I put my hand in my pocket to retrieve the surprise when little Abe said, "mom, God told me that He knows where my puppy is." Less than a second later I opened my hand and showed him the small brown dog and tears welled up in my eyes. He gasped and clapped and I don't remember what he said exactly but it was something like, "see I told you God knew."

I know that God answers prayers. I absolutely believe in miracles. This is actually the second time that God has directly answered a prayer said by my child. You can call it coincidence or whatever else you'd like. My heart can call it nothing short of God's perfect timing and an answer to a child's heart felt prayer. Little Abe was overjoyed. I left for work really really happy, feeling truly blessed. Like I said the other day, there has been darkness, heaviness, darkness, and more heaviness consuming the news lately and it makes everything seem so bleak. This morning was really beautiful.

Spending rundown today: $4.88 on groceries.

My budget for the month is $436 which leaves $106.70

Average daily spending for 2015: $17.92

Things I Learned on Vacation

1.) My husband really likes gummy candy and tootsie rolls

(I should have come to this realization before now but I've officially made note of it now)

2.) "Free" hotel breakfast certainly can be a lot like hospital food/ cafeteria food/ school lunch food (we did not enjoy it at all at either hotel)

3.) DO NOT give your debit card to the hotel for incidentals because they might put a hold with a charge on it for a week even though you didn't have any incidentals.

4.) I need to make a point to travel with my family at least once a year. Getting away together and adventuring is absolutely priceless.

5.) I much, much, much prefer walking through the woods or boating through a cave or anything out in nature as opposed to exploring/ walking/ shopping around in a big city.

6.) Boat rides through caves are both awesome and a little scary all at the same time. Totally worth every penny!

7.) Kentucky is really really neat!

8.) Kentucky looks at lot like Guatemala at points. (no there aren't dinosaurs in Guatemala)

9.) Indiana takes about a million hours to drive through (I already knew that actually but still worth mentioning)

10.) Despite a very adequate amount of sleep my child can get exhausted beyond function-ability just from too much vacationing (DO NOT leave the stroller in the car no matter how much energy he appears to have!)

11.) Smarties work just about as good as coffee (maybe better) when driving at night and one is trying to keep oneself awake. Or maybe it was a placebo; I thought I was incapable of night driving as of at least five years ago and I rocked the last five hours of the drive home in the dark without my eyes even getting heavy... ate a boat load of smarties though!

12.) Cats, dogs, and I guess even sunflowers can really miss their family after three days of not seeing them. I am NOT going to take a photo of my pathetic sunflower upon arriving home (I think the thunderstorm did something to it, not sure)

The end.

A Cat's Eye View

My thirteen year old cat has been outside probably four times in her life except that she was possibly born outside; I've no way of knowing how her, her siblings, and her mother ended up at the pound where we adopted her from. She was outside once when we brought her home from the pound, twice when she's been to the vet (maybe a few more times than that but not many) and once when we moved to the home we're living in now. I ask you to not feel badly for her though. She has less than zero desire to go outside. She enjoys sitting on the window sill in the kitchen occasionally but she's never once attempted to get out of the house or even stand next to an open door.

I have a VERY skiddish kitty that is tremendously fond of routine, safety, and familiarity. In her old age she's also becoming fond of snuggles and curling up on my lap. She doesn't get snuggles as often as she would like or as often as she deserves since a three year old boy happens to inhabit the same house as her and she happens to be rather fearful of (or in the least, dislikes) him. Two days ago during the three year old's nap time I decided quite on a whim that I would take the cat in the back yard with me to snuggle for a short bit. It was the most beautiful of summer days, bright hot sun shining directly over head, fabulous deep greens everywhere to be seen from a wonderful amount of rainfall we've had this year, a gentle cooling breeze blowing through the air, and birds singing all around.

I carried her out to the lawn chair I had set up and sat her on my lap. At first she was frightened (although she has always found tremendous safety in my arms). My poor kitty noticed nothing except that she'd been brought to a horrifying new world, a place she'd never been with sounds she didn't like and smells she didn't know. She pressed her head onto my shoulder and gave out a few timid scared meows. I spoke calmly to her and pet her head and back while holding her close to me gently. She meowed a few more times before she began to feel the hot sun on her back and notice the gentle breeze on her whiskers. If you've ever seen an indoor cat sunning themselves on the warm light spot that's beaming in from a window then you realize how much she enjoyed feeling the hot sun on her fur. Before long she picked her head up off my shoulder and placed her two front feet on my leg so that she could look around and watch the birds flying around. She began to purr deeply and happily and looked every which way with wonder. She settled down on my lap, her very favorite thing to do while she continued to purr, watch the splendid sights in this new world, and rest quite peacefully.

My son and I have spent hours each day since spring time this year in the very same backyard doing yard work, watching and listening to the birds, playing with mud and water, collecting bugs and playing sports yet I can honestly say the back yard has never been so beautiful as it was in those few moments when it was a brand new world and my delighted little fur ball took in all the newness of it for the first time. Every day goes by and there's so much normal, generally, about each and every one that passes. Yet something so simple as a cat bird watching in the hot sun for the first time or a child eating a certain treat they've never eaten before or seeing a flower you've never noticed can make a moment so new, so worthwhile, so alive. I seek out these changes of scenery now a days; to be in the same spot I've spent countless hours in but to look at the world around me in a new way, I relish that.