November Resolutions

Goals, to-do's; I sometimes think I might be the most dysfunctional person I know. I generally have a few million goals/ to-do's swirling around and fighting with each other in my head. Generally, as in at least 95% of the time every day. How can it be possible to need to address so many issues at all times?

This coming month there will be no less than a million goals swirling around up there but I've resolved to tackle just a handful in specified categories.

NOVEMBER RESOLUTIONS
Category 1.) Abe
-Work on gratitude
Okay, that's an entire blog post in itself. Can I do a quick synapsis... and go! 

My boy, growing so unbelievably fast has recently, or maybe not so recently been spending all of his time wanting. I'm not exaggerating. He watches maybe 15 to 30 minutes a day of youtube videos about Nerf guns, Legos, other random toys: scooters, hoverboards, oooh, can't forget the dog videos; he's constantly planning future pets. 15 to 30 minutes of youtube leads him to start dreaming and planning (both fantastic things) ALL DAY about how much money he'd need to save for which ever thing he's wanting most that day. What the time frame would be for acquiring said thing. When he's on an animal kick he's trying to decide which type of cat or dog would be best to start out with (when he's an adult and moves into his own place and gets his first pet). The problem is that he spends all of his free time and all of his head space dreaming. There's genuinely no gratitude for right now. And he makes himself crazy wanting, planning, dreaming. 

This month's "work on gratitude" plan includes:
-No youtube videos about toy stuff (or dogs or cats).
-Spending sometime each day consciously thinking and talking and doing some writing about things he's thankful and happy for RIGHT NOW.
-A bit less TV and more books.
-Purposed time playing with toys everyday. Yes, I am going to make him play with his toys.
-Have him train the dog, at least two new tricks
-And last but not least spending more quality time with him; going to the playground, doing puzzles, baking cookies, etc; Life gets so busy. He has TONS of stuff but it would do his little heart good to have more quality time.

Category 2.) Little Wren
-Get rid of baby potty
My baby is fully potty trained. No accidents, no naptime diaper, no longer needs reminders to go, but we still have the baby potty scooting around the living quarters with her. It's how we potty train. Judge away if you'd like but both my babies were potty trained almost fully at 20 months. It's going to take a little work on my part (MUCH less work than getting a 20 month old toddler potty trained) but I need to get rid of the baby potty. She's fully capable of using the regular one.

-Return three baby proofed areas back to normal.
It's not dangerous stuff like the cleaning supplies cabinet, more like, returning books to the front book case. Previously she would rip pages out of our books or totally shred them. And if not destroying them she would at least empty them all onto the floor (over and over and over). She's old enough now for these sorts of things to slowly return to normal. To clarify, she has her own book shelf filled with board books that she can access at all times.

Category 3.) Me
-Spending fast
Here we go again, back to the same old beast. The holidays are upon us. I am honestly not looking forward to Christmas expenses at all. I want to implement a serious spending fast like the good old days, at least for the rest of the year. Christmas presents will not be a part of the spending fast but that doesn't mean I intend to spend all willy nilly on Christmas either. 

Yesterday was the first time in a very long time that I really spent super creatively and it was so fun. I'm ready to spend a few months hyper focused on spending.

Yesterday I went to work with a $1.75 store coupon in my pocket. I grabbed a big handful of loose change from the change pile where my husband plops his loose change that he never uses. I brought my mug, a few bags of tea, and peanuts.

The first thing I did before ever clocking in was spend 99cents in change on a bag of m&ms for my little Wren who woke up when I was leaving and was crying franticly at my departure. I promised her m&ms upon my return (which calmed her down for my husband) and I knew that I needed to buy them so that I wouldn't forget, because for certain she would remember.

At my first break I jotted down a list of meals for the next two days:
Tues. Dinner :Cheese burgers with roasted sweet potato and onion (no necessary groceries)
Wed. breakfast: Bagels and cream cheese (check)
Wed. lunch: Alfredo on Rotini (check)
Wed. Dinner: Eggs and rice with peppers, broccoli, and onion -need rice and eggs
Thurs. breakfast: Eggs and Sausage (check)

My grocery list:
eggs $1.19
rice $1.59

I wasn't sure if I actually needed to buy eggs and I wasn't positive that we had rotini. I didn't have enough change in my pocket, combined with the coupon for both. The eggs were part a main meal and I was pretty sure we did have noodles so I chanced it. 

Unfortunately I have been having sugar problems this year (it's been boiled down to hypoglycemia). I started to feel a bit shaky with mild dizzy spells hitting. The mild dizzy with shaky is not too troubling but when full on vertigo hits at work it terrifying so I knew that I needed additional food. I ended up going to my car to dig up more change because I was determined to not use the bank card yesterday. I found enough to buy some Quaker rice cakes $1.69 which worked wonderfully at kicking the shaky dizzy feeling I'd been battling for about an hour.

I spent $5.46 yesterday.
$1.75 was the coupon
$3.71 loose change

I like that kind of spending day and I loved getting rid of so many pennies.
Today will be a good old fashioned NO SPEND. Even better.

February Plans (Just slow down mommy)

Okay, not really plans. This is a goals post.
I'm hoping to fill February with new. New places, new food, new activities, new hobbies, new crafts, new books, new words... okay, I could probably just keep typing forever. My goal for what always seems like the coldest month of the year is all-things-new; to add some spice to the winter.

I actually have a three point checklist of things to focus on this month. Each day this month I'd like to ask:

1. Did I experience something new today? What was it? (February focus)
2. Did I laugh today? What made me laugh? (January focus)
3. Did I rush my son? Do either of us seem less stressed? (Something I want to work on)

As far as question number three is concerned I've noticed that I'm regularly telling my kiddo to "hurry up." Regularly, like A LOT. I'm seemingly always rushing him along. In noticing this I've realized that A.) I have very little patience and B.) I'm teaching my kid to always be rushing. He definitely operates on his own timeline (as all children do) but when I really stop and observe his timeline I actually like it more than mine. His way of doing things includes more fun, more savoring, more joy, and quite frankly I don't want to "instruct" any of that out of my four year old.

In February along with noticing laughter, and focusing on new, I want to just slow down. I think I might actually like February this year.

January Goals

The new year is already aging. The month of January is drawing to a close even though I'm not so sure I've accepted that it's 2017 already and not still 2016. My goal for the month/ first of twelve new year's resolutions was simply to laugh more. What a neat and enriching goal it's been. 

The list I compiled for ways to focus on laughter and to try and laugh more was as follows:

1. Read funny stories, funny poems. We've read funny stories each day. I'm really enjoying this part of the goal.
2. Watch funny movies. Not many were watched but this did add laughter to the month.
3. Tickle regularly. I might have tickled little Abe less than normal but there was still tickling and giggles and this is towards the top of things that cause laughter in my life.
4. Tell jokes. Little Abe's jokes don't really make sense but I still laugh. I tell him jokes that I think are funny and he doesn't get them and doesn't laugh. This wasn't a very effective strategy for laughter.
5. Discover/ sing silly songs. Or sing normal songs in a silly way... either way we laughed.
6. Document on the blog one moment of laughter each day. I thought I'd blogged a bit too much about funny things and backed off. I probably could have kept it up though just for my own pleasure. It's funny how sometimes we forget to use our blogs for ourselves, when at least for me, that's why I blog in the first place.
7. Remind myself to laugh. I totally did this and as silly as it is and as odd as it felt it was a good practice. I laugh in my head so often that I miss the physical benefit of laughing out loud. I did remind myself to laugh throughout the month. Who would have ever thought that laughing is something you can practice/ get better at.
8. Take photos of laughter. I was looking forward to this idea a lot but my camera is on it's way out, like not working properly at all and I basically took no photos this month.
9. Make time to be less serious. I think I did this, less intentionally but still I did it.
10. Read a book about laughter. I read two books containing at least bits about laughter.

I've pretty much already noted the results of this goal. I feel that noticing laughter all month was incredibly enriching and impactful. This January, a very gloomy, very cold, usually somewhat heavy feeling month was filled with much more joy then I'm used to. I seemed to delight in little things (something I strive to do) much more regularly and easily then I generally do in the midst of winter. Normally by now winter depression is beginning to set in and I'm starting to fearfully dread February's arrival. I'm not scared of February this year. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Haha, I feel like something is wrong with me.

In conclusion January's goal was a big fat success.

Noticing Laughter (Goal update)

Laughing more in January has thus far turned out to be a great goal. I'm not sure how much more I've laughed but I'm definitely noticing each time I laugh. Noticing the act seems to be making each occasion more meaningful. I'll be in the middle of cracking up over something hilarious and the thought does go through my mind, "I'm laughing really hard right now. I'm happy." I know that sounds kind of stupid, but I've been saying for years that when I take note of something, the something becomes more meaningful and more impactful. 

If I drive by something truly lovely on the way to work, the lovely thing is more impressionable by far when I devote a few moments to it. When I acknowledge to myself how lovely it is, when I realize that it is making my day more beautiful, when I express (even to myself) the gratitude I feel towards that beautiful moment then the beauty fully impacts me and stays with me for a long time.

I'm noticing the same with laughter. This month since I'm focusing on it each occasion has been more impactful and more uplifting to me. I can sit here, six days into the month and recall laughing hysterically on several occasions. I don't remember the last time I laughed hysterically before this week but that's not to say it's been a really long time I just never took note of it in my mind before. This week I laughed really REALLY hard with a co-worker at something really silly she said. We could hardly stop laughing. I don't remember having so much fun at work. We dragged it out so much that we'll probably both laugh every time we see a paper clip for ages to come. On Monday little Abe and I danced like fools in the kitchen to some crazy indie music. We may as well have been Aborigines with our "special" moves but boy were they funny and did we ever laugh (and exhaust ourselves). Throughout the six or so songs we fell on the floor laughing more than once at our funny moves.   

I have been working at the list I posted earlier of ways to focus on laughter this month:

1. Read funny stories, funny poems. We've read funny stories each day. I'm really enjoying this part of the goal.
2. Watch funny movies. We watched "Pets," which I didn't think was super funny but little Abe thought it was hilarious and I found myself laughing at his laughter.
3. Tickle regularly. I need to add more tickling to the month. My kid LOVES being tickled and it always makes both of us laugh.
4. Tell jokes. Nope
5. Discover/ sing silly songs Nope
6. Document on the blog one moment of laughter each day. I fogot that I was going to do this. I  have written about laughing a few times in the past six days so I think I'm okay with this one.
7. Remind myself to laugh. When I notice myself laughing in my head I intend to remind myself to laugh out loud  Yes. I've thought something was funny MANY times over the past week and I have told myself to laugh. It's sad, but what can I say I'm a very serious person.
8. Take photos of laughter. This one is actually very sad. I think my camera might be dead.
9. Play more often. Hmm, no, we haven't worked on this. I forgot this was on the list too.
10. Make time to be less serious. Wow, no. Actually, dancing like a crazy person in the kitchen should cover this one.
11. Read a book(s) about laughter... or just quotes, haha! Yes. This one's pretty easy for me.

I love January's goal. Laughing more, or at least focusing on laughter and noticing each time I do is really fun. I'm absolutely laughing every single day and I can't say if I was or wasn't before. Just the fact that I know I'm laughing every day, that I remember things that made me laugh, and that I know I'm enjoying life makes me feel accomplished.

July 2016
Happy

Laughing January Away

Looking towards 2017, I decided instead of New Year's Resolutions I would attempt themed months. I'd like January to be devoted to laughter. Once I decided that I'd like to start the year off with considerably more laughter I started to notice just how little I actually laugh.

I'm a first born of four to parents that divorced when I was young. A first born that took on way too much responsibility at too young of an age. A first born that takes life considerably more seriously than probably need be. Did I mention that I'm a first born?

I've noticed that I laugh in my head. At times there might be some laughter behind my closed mouth smile. I laugh a little if something is really funny. Very rarely do I laugh boisterously, and generally it's when I'm incredibly tired and my inhibitions are very low. I've noticed that I actually force laughter with my son fairly regularly. He takes a bit of pride in how humorous he is and he can get offended at people not noticing his hilarity. Often I'm too unfocused, or too foggy, or... they're all lame excuses; I find myself laughing at him on purpose and I need to work on being in the moment with him more often.

I'm looking forward to January, to a month of laughter. Right now my brainstorm contains a list of ideas to work at laughing more often:

Read funny stories, funny poems
Watch funny movies
Tickle regularly (Little Abe relishes tickling)
Tell jokes
Discover/ sing silly songs
Document on the blog one moment of laughter each day
Remind myself to laugh
-when I notice myself laughing in my head I intend to remind myself to laugh out loud
Take photos of laughter
Play more often
Make time to be less serious
Read a book(s) about laughter... or just quotes, haha!

I think I want a more detailed list but this is my brainstorm AND knowing me this will likely be my only list for the month. Is anyone else in denial about 2017 only being four days away? I can honestly look at the calendar and still totally not believe it.

On that note, I hope y'all can make the most of the rest of 2016!!!

to live deliberately

We're only a few days away from the big event but I'm taking a break from all the suspense by thinking about goals for next year. Me and goals are a funny thing. I tend to only ever make it about half way to my mark but the way I see it, at least when I set a mark I make it half way there. That's better then never setting off in the first place, right?

I'm thinking about assigning 2017 a word and that word shall likely be "Adventure." I'm also dreaming about structuring my goals (haha, yes I just said "structuring" my goals... maybe had too  much coffee already today)... sorry back to my point, I'm thinking about structuring my goals in a Gretchen Rubin type way (you know, The Happiness Project lady). Like, January will be about laughter. I'd set my course for an adventure in seeking laughter. I think that could make for a really fun first month of the year. Little Abe and I could try and find some really funny books at the library. We could watch a few funny movies, make a point to tell silly jokes and tickle every single day, really put our mind to finding ways to add laughter to life.

February is generally a really hard month for me. I start to get cabin fever really bad; seasonal effective disorder. The bitter cold temps combined with lack of sunshine take a super huge toll on me (says the person who dreams of living in Alaska). February should be an adventure in seeking new things; new places, new foods, maybe read a new genre, find some new music. New, new, new!

March could be for friends, relationships. April could be about gratitude. May should likely have everything to do with getting outdoors. I think that's how I want to approach next year. Maybe I'll even incorporate The Happiness Project a little and carry some of each month's adventure theme into the following months of the year. Honestly that sounds like too big of a task to me but I think it'd be worth while to at least give it a shot. Come May little Abe and I would be finding ways to laugh, looking for new experiences, focusing on friendships, gratitude, and getting outdoors. Gosh, that sounds like such a fun year.

It is in the compelling zest of high adventure and of victory, and in creative action, that man finds his supreme joys.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

Confession

I am a jumbled mess.

Over the years the main lesson I've learned from this blog is that everything in life runs smoother with a plan. Don't get me wrong, at heart I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-artistic-turn-life-into-a-giant-collage type person. But planning things; having a spending plan (not just a budget), having a weekly meal plan, having a plan for numerous different tasks makes each task run more smoothly AND having such plans does ease a good deal of stress. BUT planning takes work and sometimes the initial work can make the benefits appear small and insignificant.

Ever since the job change about six months ago I've been really frazzled. My husband and I really like our new jobs but it took a decent amount of time for all three us to adjust to the schedule, routine, and all over changes in life. I think all planning fell through the cracks six months ago but I've still yet to pick it back up.

Essentially, I'm driving myself crazy. I can't tell you how often I rush out of work while needing to pick up three things and leaving the store with fifteen things or more. This means way overspending. And we're constantly out of one or more fixins for a dinner even so. My mind is always racing about something I'm trying to get done very last minute because I didn't have an initial game plan. It's madness!!!

It's time to regain control of my life. This blog post is my motivation to buckle down and get back to it. Christmas is coming and any planning I'm attempting seems geared towards that. Christmas will be great and we're going to make the most of this month of holiday festivities but gosh darn it I am off work tomorrow and:

I WILL 
make a meal plan
go over the budget
write out a spending plan for this week
post real December goals
and finalize Christmas spending

Okay, self motivational speech done.
I hope everyone is having a great week thus far.

One Hundred and Fifty Six Books

Over the past year and a half little Abe and I kept track of all the books we read together in a book log from our local library. The log was supplied through a program called "1000 Books Before Kindergarten." I love reading to him (even though it takes carving out time to do). He loves books, discovering new books, and re-reading over, and over, and over all of his favorites. The book log was a fun exercise for many reasons but I really believe that keeping track of the books we read encouraged us to read more often.

I picked up a little journal from the dollar store after the "1000 books" log was filled. So I'm still recording all the books we read together. Some days we read upwards of ten. Some days we only read one story, a book before bed. I record each chapter we read from any chapter book as a single book since reading a single chapter takes considerably longer than reading a child's picture book.

On days that we've read only one or two books I always feel like such a slacker. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel like we should be reading books all day long. I'm not sure how my mind sees that as a possibility since I do work, have to take care of our home, make meals, schedule play times for little Abe with friends, make sure he gets outside to play, let him watch television while he plays with toys, ect; Yeah, unrealistic mind of mine reading books all day long makes perfect sense!

While that little voice in the back of my mind is telling me that I've dropped the ball and we aren't reading nearly as much as we should our book log tells me that we've read 156 books in the past month. That averages out to almost 2000 books (or chapters read) in a year. Okay, so here's what I have to say to the unrealistic voice in my head saying "we need to be reading all the time," little voice, "We are rocking it. 156 books read in a month is better than 100, or 50, or 10, and I'll take it! I'll take it and I'm proud of it."

This past year, while I've dropped the ball in recording the daily spending, and I haven't been reading books to my kid every minute of every day, and I don't take the dog's for a walk every day as I'd like to... yeah, I could go on and on... I've also grown a lot in that I've started talking back to that voice of failure. My best, even if my best is far from perfection, my best is enough. I think I've been trying to tell myself  this for a very long time but the failure voice has always been louder. This year I've really started to believe that I'm doing good enough. I am not perfect. I can't do it all. There will always be huge short comings but I keep striving, I keep trying harder, I keep setting goals I can't actually reach AND my best is enough. 156 books was last month's best and I think we rocked it.

Some August Spending Goals

Almost a week ago already I posted July's numbers and commented how I need to set some reasonable spending goals for this month.

Goal #1: Get the grocery budget closer to $12 a day.
Currently at an average of $12.44 a day this year, I'm left with a total of $291.81 in the grocery category to get me back to a $12 a day average by September 1st. Generally I don't come in under $350 a month on groceries (and that's on a good month).

I'm setting the grocery spending goal this month at $325. That will get me really close to $12 a day while not diving me insane (I think).

Goal #2: Don't spend in the STUFF category.
I tend to be very frugal when it comes to buying new things. We live in a society consumed with stuff. We constantly need a new this or a better that. We're always on a mission; organizing, crafting, fixing, baking, cooking, traveling, socializing, something. And these missions, goals, plans always require more stuff. Our kids always need something new. Our spouses always need something new. Our houses always need something new... right? It seems that way but I don't buy it and I try not to buy it. I can live without A LOT no matter how much of a "necessity" it is. But for a list of reasons I've been slipping lately with this and I've been finding myself picking up the this or the that which I don't really need. It just feels like I do.

I need to be very conscious this month of impulsive stuff buys and just not make any. Granted I'm talking about items that might cost $1.50 or maybe they're $3 or $7. In the grand scheme of things they're always little buys but a little buy here and a little buy there soon become a lot of money.

Goal #3: Food out is stupid food. Just stop it.
It's the 6th today. I already have three purchases in the food out category on my spending tally. That's not okay. My goal for this category is to buckle down again and to have a talk with my husband about having ONE more food out purchase this month. So, the goal is to only have one more blue line on the spending tally for this month.

Goal #4: Other categories: Pets, Toiletries, Cleaning. Done.
Pets and toiletries are already on the spending tally for the month. I'm purposing to be done with spending in all three of these categories until September. Unless there's a great sale on dish soap or laundry detergent I don't want to spend anymore on any of these three things.

All of this leaves my spending budget for the month at a very low $478 ($15.42 a day).
Now I just need to write this brain storm out on paper so that I can focus on it and stick to the plan.
It's amazing what actual paper does for my plans, but for me putting it here first is detrimental.

Reviewing May Goals Two Days Out

Out of the Ordinary to-do list for May for a pop of color

1. Make paella (per my husband's request; I've never even eaten paella) I'm going to move this one to next month.
2. Root through wardrobe. pt.1   Done. Yay!
3. Get rid of a few things. pt.2 I brought seven things to Goodwill. One was a bridesmaid dress so I feel accomplished with this goal.
4. Wear something I haven't worn in a long while. pt.3 This is not going to be happening. I don't have anything I haven't worn in a long while that actually still fits.
5. Go on a long walk. It was more of a meander but the three of us went on a long walk together. Done.
6. Enjoy a bonfire  Yippee!
7. Find my straggler gift cards and use them (I know I have two different ones). I keep looking forward to this and just not getting around to it. Maybe this will be a mission for Tuesday.
8. Re-purpose something in the house. Hmm, not sure what I was thinking.
9. Lay out and look at the stars with my buddy (if there's a warm enough evening). We weren't out there for a super long time but it was so fun and we saw a shooting star. Little Abe was very impressed.
10. Make something to give to someone. I sorted of cheated with this one. I had two extra tomato plants that I grew and I gave them to my neighbor. That counts, right?
11. Call my dad. I am cheating with this one too. I did not call my dad but my brother had us all over this evening and my dad was there. Seeing him at some point this month was my intention behind the "call" so I think this goal was accomplished.
12. Learn one phrase in Spanish each week (with little Abe). We worked on a phrase the first week but then I kind of forgot to add new ones.
13. Bake some sort of new dessert with fruit. I baked an apple crumble recipe that I'd never tried and a banana cake with strawberry glaze. Totally accomplished this goal.
14. Go into a store that I've never been in. (this one already feels weird... can you tell I'm NOT a shopper) I can probably do this on Tuesday while I'm embarking upon the gift card mission.
15. Draw something. I can totally do this tomorrow. Like the walk, I should have had this done by now.
16. Listen to music and dance. Little Abe and I did this awhile ago. It was fun (always is; should be on the to-do list all the time)
17. Try and be girly for one whole day. (this one already feels weird too) I've thought about being girly for one whole day several times. This goal is proving to be challenging not because I'm a TOTAL tomboy but because I'm not sure how I want to define "girly" in order to accomplish it.
18. Gosh darn it, try and do something thoughtful for all the birthday peeps this month! I failed on this one and it really upsets me because this is something I want to be really good at. I wrote four different people's names down on my calendar that I wanted to mail b-day cards to and I didn't send any. I have my niece and nephew their birthday gifts super late. Gah! Why is this so hard when it really is important to me.
19. Tell stories with little Abe (like on the fly, made up stories. He loved this last time I did it) We need to do this tonight before bed (ideally while we're laying out looking at the stars)
20. Take a Thursday off work and go watch little Abe at swimming lessons. I blogged about this the other day. I sort of accomplished this one... butt there was poop involved.
21. Day trip, visit a neighboring town with hubby and Abe. There was a festival/ carnival in a close neighboring town and we stopped there for the morning. It was tons of fun.
22. Listen to nature. We listen to nature a lot but one day we sat out in the backyard and took turns closing our eyes and then saying one thing we heard. It was so entertaining. The sounds of the city combined with nature are so intriguing. 

Average daily spending for 2016: $18.31
$10.59 left in May's budget (2 days)

I lucked out on this month's spending. My dad gave me birthday money today (very, very late; I haven't seen him since Christmas (and was not expecting a birthday card)) so I have $40 to spend out of budget. No, that is not cheating. That is called being very fortunate, lucky, blessed. Whatever it's called, it's a gift and I can spend it on whatever I want without counting it in the daily spending. Woohoo!!!!!

Accomplishing Goals

20. Take a Thursday off work and go watch little Abe at swimming lessons.

My husband and son left for swimming lessons as usual. I went separately so that I could surprise little Abe. He's gone through three different levels of swimming lessons (this is his fourth) and I've only gone once. He was really surprised and excited the last time I went.

As I was driving up (about five minutes after lessons should have started) I saw my husband and son walking out of the building. Hmmm... quizzical look all over my face, I can't stop wondering what is going on. I put in a vacation request three weeks early, took a day off of work specifically to go watch my son swim, and drum roll please... some kid decided it'd be a good day to use the side of the pool as a potty. I guess it was pretty messy and they had to close down the pool. Go figure. What are the chances? Haha!

Okay so maybe I need to change goal #20 to: Take a photo of little Abe at the Y with his swimming ribbon (from November). Yeah, I didn't need to take a day off of work for that but I can mark that one off today and I've been meaning to do that for the past six months.

I accomplished one more goal yesterday and one today. 

2. Root through wardrobe. pt.1
3. Get rid of a few things. pt.2

Last night I went through my wardrobe (well my closet anyhow) and came to a horrible realization. I have no clothes. I think somewhere in my subconscious I already realized this but it is now official. My closet is quite small but it has two sides. I put all the clothes that I absolutely needed to keep BUT that no longer fit me (genuinely for sentimental reasons (I know, wrong)) on one side. I took out some clothes that are hideous, like I actually wore them in high school and probably shouldn't have worn them even then. I parted with some things that are way too small and that if I'm being honest I will almost certainly never fit into again. Plus, it's been said that those "too small" clothes mock you every time you look in your closet. I think there's a lot of truth to that. And I removed a really fancy lilac bride's maid dress from over ten years ago. There's no way I will ever wear that again. 

What I was left with on the side with "clothes that fit" were four shirts, two dresses, and a ton of empty hangers (I hate wearing dresses). One of the shirts I don't like very much and one is actually way too big. That leaves me with a total of TWO decent non-t-shirts. No wonder I HATE getting dressed for things like weddings or church. I just don't own any clothes. I mean, it kind of looked like I did before I took all the stuff I don't wear out but nope, I don't.

For the record I am a through and through, all the way, no questions asked t-shirts and blue jeans girl. I have a decent amount of t-shirts so I'm not going to be going around naked or wearing one of four shirts from my closet but as of now my closet is basically empty. The clothes that don't fit and the bridesmaid dress are now at goodwill. Two more goals are marked off and, well, I probably ought to suck it up and buy myself an outfit come June. Maybe I should just stop accomplishing goals too. These past three didn't turn out the way I'd hoped.

Spending... Grr... Goals

It's May. (I know, captain obvious) My average daily spending for last year was $17.94 a day. I achieved my goal last year and came in under $18 a day like I'd hoped. I'm pretty proud of the accomplishment. I set this year's goal at under $17 a day.

It's May (yeah, there I go again). I have yet to meet budget for ONE single month this year. Not one! In other words I've gone over my set budget every single month this year. Currently the average daily spending is at $19.04 a day. My goal for this month's spending is $448. There are twelve days left in the month and I'm at $357 already. That leaves $91 in my goal budget for the next twelve days ($7.58 a day).

Considering that I've spent an average of $19.04 a day this year, $7.58 a day for almost two weeks is going to be rough but I'm going for it. I really need to start hitting my monthly budget goals again, if not at least for morale for the bank account too.

Let the countdown begin!
Average daily spending for 2016: $19.04
$90.79 left in May's budget (12 days)

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Out of the Ordinary to-do list for May for a pop of color

1. Make paella (per my husband's request; I've never even eaten paella)
2. Root through wardrobe. pt.1 
3. Get rid of a few things. pt.2
4. Wear something I haven't worn in a long while. pt.3
5. Go on a long walk.
6. Enjoy a bonfire (somewhere... Starr?)
7. Find my straggler gift cards and use them (I know I have two different ones).
8. Re-purpose something in the house.
9. Lay out and look at the stars with my buddy (if there's a warm enough evening).
10. Make something to give to someone.
11. Call my dad. (I think the last time I talked to him was at Christmas)
12. Learn one phrase in Spanish each week (with little Abe).
13. Bake some sort of new dessert with fruit.
14. Go into a store that I've never been in. (this one already feels weird... can you tell I'm NOT a shopper)
15. Draw something.
16. Listen to music and dance.
17. Try and be girly for one whole day. (this one already feels weird too)
18. Gosh darn it, try and do something thoughtful for all the birthday peeps this month!
19. Tell stories with little Abe (like on the fly, made up stories. He loved this last time I did it)
20. Take a Thursday off work and go watch little Abe at swimming lessons.
21. Day trip, visit a neighboring town with hubby and Abe.

The past two months have been full on robotic, get through the day, survival mode. I'm ready for wiggle room and new experiences. Hooray May! (I hope work has actually calmed down) Granted the budget is TIGHT (when is it not tight?) but I can wiggle without money. Wait, limited to no money makes people wiggle anyway though, right. Yeah, yeah, you get what I'm saying.

Spending Update and a Game Plan

Average daily spending for 2016: $19.18

I've really been hugging that $19.20 a day range for awhile now. I really have not been able to shake it. I must admit that I haven't been trying that hard either. I've not necessarily been splurging but I have not been planning out my shopping trips very well at all.

There are a few very busy weeks coming up for work. My job is pretty labor intensive at times and I'm admittedly in the absolute worst shape of my life. In other words a few busy weeks at work REALLY saps my energy FAST!

Energy sapped = very poor planning, extra spending, lack of self control, and a grouchy Rivulet.

I need to just face this beast head on and, as I've just done, admit what I'm up against but then also put the boxing gloves on. I think, partially in keeping with my last post while facing what lies ahead I really need to stick to a game plan.

1. Set time aside each day for me
2. Start the morning with a devotional
3. Cut out nonsense, brain overload stimulation (severely limit TV, radio, and facebook time)
4. Work out at least five days a week for at least 20 minutes (I'd like to hit 30 min. each day but I'm being realistic)
5. Stretch twice a day, everyday
6. Water is my friend!!! Drink lots and lots of water (I should honestly have a sign somewhere in my house that says To-do List: Drink Water)
7. Plan to make fun delicious treats at home so I don't feel the need to splurge on them while I'm working or when I get out of work
8. I should meal plan this month too (I hate meal planning)
9. Keep up a daily love list about my guys (to help keep me from turning into angry, nagging, snapping wife/mommy)

Okay, it's no longer the dreaded February. Yes, it's still cold. Yes, we're losing an hour of sleep next week. But spring is coming. Warmth is coming. Growth, and life, and fresh air will be soon upon us. I will get spending down and I will not let work get the best of me. On to a great March!

March Goals

My husband was watching that show "Brain Games" the other day. The episode was focusing on decision making. It really is a neat show, it has a way of drawing you in. One of the "games" they showed involved two groups of people. A red team and a green team. There was a balloon placed on a box hooked up to a pump. The players were told that they would get something like $10 each pump for the first 5 pumps, $20 each pump for the next 5 pumps, $50 each pump for the next 5 pumps and so on. But if the balloon popped at anytime then they would get nothing. Then they made each team watch a short video clip before having a chance to pump up the balloon(s). None of the players watched each other take turns.

All of the players on the green team pumped very cautiously and stopped fairly soon earning a pretty small amount of money each. I'm pretty sure that none them popped the balloon. But all of the players on the red team pumped vigorously and just kept going and going and going until the balloon popped. After the game was over they showed the clip that each team watched before they went to pump up the balloon(s).

The green team watched a calming clip of waves in the ocean, fields of wild flowers, ect; The red team watched a very fast paced clip: cars racing, wild animals fighting, ect; The Brain Games host then went on to explain that when our brains have high stimulant we make rash, rushed decisions. But when our brains are in a calm, relaxed environment we make well reasoned decisions.

I've seen a similar study done concerning the brains of children. The test took a group of elementary school children (I believe they were in fourth grade) and had half of them watch Sponge Bob Square pants before a test. The other half watched a very slow pace preschool age show, Caillou. All of the children who watched Sponge Bob did very poorly on the test. The children who watched Caillou did considerably better. The results were proving the same as this Brain Games episode, that high brain stimulation causes us to lose focus and think rashly.

This particular Brain Games episode really stuck out to me, and I've thought about it a lot since watching. For the past few years I've often felt a call to "silence." Whenever my brain gets crazy, or I get overwhelmed, or I just can't seem to focus I feel this call to "silence." What that looks like to me is the TV, radio (news radio for me), and computer being turned off (I don't have a cell phone or tablet but those would DEFINITELY be in that category). A break from facebook (or twitter if you tweet). It doesn't mean locking myself in my room or moving out doors it just means turning off a bunch of fast paced distractions for a little while; a few hours or a few days or a few weeks. I don't often heed the call. It's much easier to just keep the noise in the picture. I mean habit after all is called habit for a reason.

Watching that episode helped me to realize that silence is incredibly important and when I feel that call I really need to follow it. The Bible does encourage after all listening to that still small voice, and to be still and know... It's much more difficult to hear during the storm of distraction. Our brains are very interesting. Knowing that watching a fast paced clip or a slow video before a simple decision, like how much to pump up a balloon will completely effect how you react is pretty intense. Imagine how many times in our lives daily we answer a question or speak to a loved one or co-worker and our tone or answer to them is based off of the state our brain in that moment. There really is so much that could be expounded upon here. We live such fast paced lives now a days with SO many outside stimulants to our brains. Okay, I'm choosing to stop there.

I need to set down goals for this month. A good list of goals really helps me step outside of robotic, going through the motions, existing mode. I find that goals are an encouragement for me to live life not just go through it. As of right now I'm starting out with one goal and I'll try to use it as a guide for making all the other ones:

1. Silence

Fourteen days

I guess we're half way; there are now fourteen days left in this never ending month.
Here are my fourteen "attempt to redeem February" goals:

1. Read 19 books with little Abe. (to get to 500 in our 1000 books before Kindergarten book log) DONE
2. Try out Cream Cheese Mints recipe DONE
3. Get rid of 28 things/ clutter donated 2 books to library
4. Write and mail a letter DONE mailed a card? (I play by my rules)
5. Paint my nails DONE
6. Read 2 books One read, currently reading two others
7. Go on a date with my hubby
8. Finish the paper mache toy shelf
9. Draw something
10. Add 1400 words to my book (the one I wrote for my niece for Christmas. I'm still working on it.)
11. Go on a special outing with little Abe DONE
12. Make a new dinner
13. Do a fun art project/ craft with my boy DONE; I'm going to consider our trip to the children's museum a fun project
14. Clean my room
15. BONUS GOAL Stop at the mall just to smell the Escada limited edition perfume DONE

Average daily spending for 2016: $19.11

New Year Reslutions

Yesterday was our fifth and last Christmas party for the holiday season. Somehow having the long drive, all the present opening with scraps of wrapping paper flying everywhere, the mounds of delicious food, a neat gathering with my very large Scottish, Irish family, and copious amounts of political arguing behind us it now feels like the new year.

Even though I don't have a list of goals I'd like to tackle this year, or even one or two, I love the new year feeling, the starting something from the beginning, what changes can I make this time around feeling. Along with that feeling I am starting this year with the desire for new experiences. I don't plan to spend any more money in 2015 then what I did in 2016. Ideally I'd like to spend a bit less but I do want to experience more. I'd like to try new foods, cook and bake more new foods. I'd like to visit new places in town, or neighboring towns we don't generally stop in. I'd like to do new things, like maybe go to a gun range for the first time, or tour a local dairy farm that makes grassfed, organic raw cheese.

I spend everyday watching this little guy, who is growing up rapidly, experience new delight one after another. His world is fascinating, exhilarating, and full of wonder. Be it a brand new toy he's never played with, a new sweet treat he didn't know existed (He does this awesome little squiggle when he tastes something delicious for the first time. He squints his eyes, makes a gleeful yum noise, and then does a half shake half dance thing that's specific to the new food yum reaction), or witnessing an animal "in real life" that he's never seen before, the life of a three year old is constantly NEW.

The older I get the more I realize I don't know. I think the same is true for experiences, new sights, new sounds, new tastes, new places. We get used to life. But I want this year to be new. That's my new year's resolution. It doesn't have to cost a dime but there is something priceless about the increase, the adventure, the experience. I look forward to that this year.

2015 Spending Rundown and Debt

I have been tracking our spending as a daily average for five years. The exercise really helps put our household spending into perspective for me. And it's helped me to better set spending goals over the years. I have lost days and months even during the five years that I've been keeping track but I still have a rough estimate as to how we've spent our money. This year I was very successful keeping up with recording our spending and I only lost track of seven days in June. This means that the total spending and spending categories reflect 358 days this year and are averages based on 358 days.

I just started tracking our household spending by category at the beginning of this year. Before that I was just tracking total spending; not breaking it down. I can honestly say that after a year of watching how much money is going to which category I'm still thoroughly fascinated by the numbers.

2015 Spending Rundown
Groceries $4181.81: that's an average of $11.68 a day for the year
Food out $420.17: that's an average of $1.17 a day
Pets $408.59: that's an average of $1.14 a day
Stuff $273.10: that's an average of 76 cents a day
Toiletries $269.94: that's an average of 76 cents a day
Christmas $243.73: that's an average of 68 cents a day
Clothing $242.94: that's an average of 68 cents a day
Gifts $196.06: that's an average of 55 cents a day
Cleaning $123.40: that's an average of 34 cents a day
Garden $43.25: that's an average of 12 cents a day
School and kiddo crafts $19.47: that's an average of 5 cents a day

Total spent all year: $6422.45 

That's an average of $17.94 a day for the year 
(358 days)

The things that I do not track in our daily average are automobile expenses and medical expenses. I generally don't include educational outings like admission to a museum or the zoo (except I would include food or souvenirs we purchased there in the spending totals). I don't include lessons for my kiddo, like swimming and horse riding lessons. I don't include any money that my husband spends solely on himself.

On the debt payoff front this is the first year we've paid over $10,000 in total debt off reaching a total of $11,500 of debt paid off this year. This means that we started the year with $130,000 in debt and ended the year under $120,000 in debt. (This is TOTAL debt, house and all) We also no longer owe on either car. Woohoo! Both cars are fully owned by us and NOT a banker.

The total debt payoff should have been higher but we ran into some big expenses at the end of this year. Ahh, such is life! I'll gladly, any day of the week, take the $11,500 without complaining about what could have been. Now that our net worth isn't negative (I think that happened for the first time this year as well) I've started to keep track of that too. I'll probably start posting net worth updates this year too.

And now, onto 2016!
This year, on top of setting an average daily spending goal I'm looking at the categories I tracked in 2015 and I'm working on setting goals/ budgets for each category. I won't be fussy about it but at least the category goals will be something to aim at. It turns out that a lot of highly successful people with money do actually budget in a very similar way (something I learned from the book The Millionaire Next Door).

Happy 2016!!!

Debt Quote Tuesday, It's Tuesday right? Is it Tuesday?

Between this being a holiday week, last week's emotional fog, and my husband being off work for eleven days straight just before that I have lost all sense of days of the week and time. The winter is just beginning right? I have moments as I watch the snow melting where I'm thinking spring is around the corner. Oy vey!

I'm in the middle of reading "Happier at Home" by Gretchen Rubin (as well as several other books). The book is interesting; she writes about goals and projects she goes about implementing in order to increase her happiness in life (and more specifically at home). I feel that it reads a bit like a very well organized blog. The book is very upbeat as she writes about this and that accomplishment and how it did or didn't affect her state of happiness.

To be honest I'd read about half way through and it was starting to feel a little too upbeat to me. I mean, I make new goals almost as a profession but am I able to complete half of them? No. Here she is marking this off and working on that project and I half started to think, "this woman is too good to be true."

A little over half way through she hits a wall so to speak and I'm like, "HA! I'm not so much a freak as I was starting to feel." Smack dab in the middle of the book she writes:

 "Around January, my emotional energy flagged. I felt trapped in a kind of Ground Hog Day of happiness. When I looked back at my Resolutions Charts from previous months, I saw rows of X's on certain pages; the same resolutions defeated me, over and over. I wasn't making much progress." 

She goes on and on like this for about five pages. This, in the middle of a pretty upbeat, go and get em book about happiness. And then the book returns to it's normal pace. This little "I'm feeling defeated" moment in the book stuck out like such a sore thumb and yet I am still feeling a sort of relief from her having put that in there.

When I was a kid I was so fascinated by Paul's rant of sorts in Romans chapter 7:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (vs. 15-25)

I used to read this over and over as a kid. I was confused at how this man who wrote a good portion of the new testament which is all, "do good, be good, turn away from evil, love the Lord," how could he all of the sudden be struggling so much? What in the world was he failing at/ not doing that he wished he were doing that would cause him to write such a passage filled with that much turmoil? I was fascinated that life could really be that hard for adults too. I mean, it was SO difficult for me in middle school and high school and I wasn't even working full time, paying bills, raising kids, running a house hold... but adults were supposed to have it all together. I mean, they had grown up. I was just utterly fascinated by this passage.

I still am really. It's like a beacon of hope. "No mam, even people who write a good portion of the new testament don't have it all together." People who write books about happiness even have to put that downer moment in the middle. Being an adult doesn't mean having it altogether.

Okay, pep talk done.

Now that the holidays are upon us I am starting to feel very overwhelmed. I want the holidays to be spectacular. Christmas only comes once a year. But I have a hard enough time feeling that I accomplished taking care of my home, my family, my kid, paying the bills, keeping everyone fed, and making it to work and back on a daily basis. Throw the holidays in there and, well, this year I'm starting to panic a little. I write all this to say, "no panic necessary! Adults don't have it all together. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and well, I seriously need to get more organized." But really, it's okay. I'm going to try my hardest and everything will be just fine.

Happy Holidays!

2015 Spending goals chart

Two posts back I wrote about my spending goals for the rest of the year. I broke down each of the eleven spending categories that encompass the average daily spending you hear me going on and on about here and I assigned each category an end goal. I've left myself a cushion because boy oh boy do I need one. Now I am just going to try my hardest to stick around the plan.

I do all of my budgeting, try to budget out for about a year ahead of time in Microsoft Excel so of course I've made an Excel spread sheet to track the category spending for the rest of 2015. I have the appropriate formulas plugged into each column so that I don't have to actually do any math myself. Believe it or not me and numbers aren't actually buddies. This spread sheet is super handy because now each time I make a purchase I just plug it into the appropriate column and I can see how much I have left in that category for the rest of the year.

The numbers at the very top of each column are the goals I set for remaining spending in each category for the rest of the year. The bottom numbers in red show how much is left to spend. The numbers in the middle are what's been spent since I sat down and set the goals in place.

As you can see, three of the eleven spending categories are already maxed out. There's a good chance I'm going to have to put some of the allotted "toiletries" budget into the "cleaning" column. Some of the remaining "stuff" monies might end up in the "groceries" category. We'll see. I'm cutting it really close with pets and probably with Christmas too. I know I'm cutting it close with groceries but a goal is a goal. I'm just trying to put something out there to aim at. And right now this is it.