Lesson Learned

I've learned something new this week. I've learned that I mustn't buy clothing for myself on line. Like, never, for any reason. I just should not do it.

With all these life changes, schedule changes, routine changes, ect; I felt the need to really tackle clutter and closets and at least as much of my house as I have steam to tackle this month. It may seem like I'm piling extra onto an already big heap but I think it's the perfect time. Right now while everything is turned upside down I can see no better time in which to turn my house upside down too.

I went through my closet at the end of May. My closet isn't very large and my wardrobe isn't very extensive but I have a lot of clothes that I never wear. It's funny, at least in my situation that when you stop wearing something, either because it no longer fits, has gotten too crumby, or you just really don't like it, that article of clothing just sort of disappears. It's like it turns invisible. It just becomes a sort of wallpaper for your closet or your drawer.

Until I went through my wardrobe last month and my dresser this month I felt that I had such a small amount of clothing. It's true I have a small wardrobe but since going through all of it I have gotten rid of 55 things that either needed to be tossed or donated. I could have never dreamed before hand that I had 55 completely unwearable things in my room. I had so many clothes that I just couldn't or won't wear anymore. The sad trend that I found is that aside from two pair of lounge/ workout pants every single item I've ever purchased online I got rid of this week. It was a sad realization to come to because several of the items I loved so much while they were on the computer. I wanted to love them so much once they arrived. But without fail none of them fit right, or I felt uncomfortable each time I wore them. They all had to go. They were all just constantly hanging out in my closet or dresser acting as taunting wallpaper.

Marie Kondo, the wildly famous organizer has said that each time we get rid of something we should thank it for the purpose it served in our lives. I got rid of several practically new items of clothing this week that I ordered online and that I will never wear. One in particular, a shirt that I loved (online), that I wanted to so badly because it was so "me," I made my husband get it for me as a birthday gift last year even though he said it was ugly. I wore it once. ONE time. I had to get rid of it because it fits horribly and (little did I know from the picture online) it has a completely functional zipper running down the back of it. Like someone could literally zip my shirt right off of me from behind if they wished to be cruel. Plus who wants their hair constantly getting caught in the zipper running down their back?

I did not thank each article of clothing for the purpose it served as I put them in the donate pile or the trash but I did thank that shirt. I said as I placed it in the donate pile, "thank-you for teaching me once and for all that I cannot order clothing online." And I meant it. As much as I hate to shop, online shopping is not the easy way out for me. Lesson learned.

March Goals

My husband was watching that show "Brain Games" the other day. The episode was focusing on decision making. It really is a neat show, it has a way of drawing you in. One of the "games" they showed involved two groups of people. A red team and a green team. There was a balloon placed on a box hooked up to a pump. The players were told that they would get something like $10 each pump for the first 5 pumps, $20 each pump for the next 5 pumps, $50 each pump for the next 5 pumps and so on. But if the balloon popped at anytime then they would get nothing. Then they made each team watch a short video clip before having a chance to pump up the balloon(s). None of the players watched each other take turns.

All of the players on the green team pumped very cautiously and stopped fairly soon earning a pretty small amount of money each. I'm pretty sure that none them popped the balloon. But all of the players on the red team pumped vigorously and just kept going and going and going until the balloon popped. After the game was over they showed the clip that each team watched before they went to pump up the balloon(s).

The green team watched a calming clip of waves in the ocean, fields of wild flowers, ect; The red team watched a very fast paced clip: cars racing, wild animals fighting, ect; The Brain Games host then went on to explain that when our brains have high stimulant we make rash, rushed decisions. But when our brains are in a calm, relaxed environment we make well reasoned decisions.

I've seen a similar study done concerning the brains of children. The test took a group of elementary school children (I believe they were in fourth grade) and had half of them watch Sponge Bob Square pants before a test. The other half watched a very slow pace preschool age show, Caillou. All of the children who watched Sponge Bob did very poorly on the test. The children who watched Caillou did considerably better. The results were proving the same as this Brain Games episode, that high brain stimulation causes us to lose focus and think rashly.

This particular Brain Games episode really stuck out to me, and I've thought about it a lot since watching. For the past few years I've often felt a call to "silence." Whenever my brain gets crazy, or I get overwhelmed, or I just can't seem to focus I feel this call to "silence." What that looks like to me is the TV, radio (news radio for me), and computer being turned off (I don't have a cell phone or tablet but those would DEFINITELY be in that category). A break from facebook (or twitter if you tweet). It doesn't mean locking myself in my room or moving out doors it just means turning off a bunch of fast paced distractions for a little while; a few hours or a few days or a few weeks. I don't often heed the call. It's much easier to just keep the noise in the picture. I mean habit after all is called habit for a reason.

Watching that episode helped me to realize that silence is incredibly important and when I feel that call I really need to follow it. The Bible does encourage after all listening to that still small voice, and to be still and know... It's much more difficult to hear during the storm of distraction. Our brains are very interesting. Knowing that watching a fast paced clip or a slow video before a simple decision, like how much to pump up a balloon will completely effect how you react is pretty intense. Imagine how many times in our lives daily we answer a question or speak to a loved one or co-worker and our tone or answer to them is based off of the state our brain in that moment. There really is so much that could be expounded upon here. We live such fast paced lives now a days with SO many outside stimulants to our brains. Okay, I'm choosing to stop there.

I need to set down goals for this month. A good list of goals really helps me step outside of robotic, going through the motions, existing mode. I find that goals are an encouragement for me to live life not just go through it. As of right now I'm starting out with one goal and I'll try to use it as a guide for making all the other ones:

1. Silence

I want to live how they used to

Growing up I lived in a nice middle class neighborhood right on the edge of a very wealthy part of town. Everyone in town knew that South Shore Dr. was where the mansions were. South shore drive runs right next to the lake shore (nice private beach front properties) and there are some fabulously elaborate and enormous houses there. Several CEO's, Dentists, Doctors, and state Representatives and Senators live along that road. My house was only a few blocks from South Shore Dr. and I had a paper route as a kid so that I had to deliver news papers to many of them (none of them tipped by the way).

Today on the radio I heard someone say, "I remember the days when you could tell who was the richest person in the neighborhood by who drove the crappiest car." She was commenting about how wealthy people, truly wealthy people used to be very wise with their money and they didn't spend it on things like fabulous cars and enormous houses. In fact the wealthiest people drove the ugliest cars. Hearing her say that brought to mind of when I was young and sometimes when it was pouring rain, or there was an enormous Sunday paper, or there was four feet of snow outside my mom would drive me on the route. I remember pointing out to her the biggest houses and the nicest cars and I would say something like, "wow, that person is sooo rich." Without fail she would always say, "No [inserting my entire name here] chances are they don't have any money at all." As a kid I did not get it. She tried to explain what she meant to me but I did not get it.

I get it now. More often than not, people who spend $200,000 on a car or $5million on a house probably don't have much money in the bank and in fact they probably are severely in debt. That's just the way it works now a days. The bigger your income the more debt you can rack up. The bigger your toys the more likely you have enormous amounts of debt. Obviously households are run this way, more often than not, businesses are run this way, cities are run this way, heck countries (mine included) are run this way. We LOVE our debt!

I'm sorry but where did we go wrong and when did this happen? I want to live how they used to. I want to be the person on the block with a nice small house and a comfortable older car who has money in the bank, money that I can give to charity, money that I can pass down to my child(ren), money that I can use in case of an emergency without borrowing. I want to own what belongs to me, not owe some banker man who lent me the cash to make the purchases. I'm not saying by any means that I want to collect and horde money and never spend it on things I will enjoy. But if I travel (and I will) I don't want to ever stay in the $20,000 a night penthouse sweet on the top floor of any hotel. I don't ever want to pay $300 for a meal out. I don't ever want to just waste money because I can.

I'm working to get there. It's taking a long time but I journeyed down a long road of debt and borrowing before I started to see the light. Someday. Every day we're a little closer to someday and I choose to smile about that.

Simplify

Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! 

I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds and storms and quicksands and thousand-and-one items to be allowed for, that a man has to live, if he would not founder and go to the bottom and not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great calculator indeed who succeeds. 

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion.  

-Henry David Thoreau
 Walden 

I kid you not, I opened to this very page when I sat down to read during the kiddo's nap.
Ah, the refreshing state of mind he lived in...