Saturday Reality Check

I'm back to making itty bitty baby steps, crawling in fact.

My one financial goal right now is to budget for our income. I have not been succeeding lately. It feels horrible. I'm used to paying down debt. I'm used to winning those little battles like, "should I buy the frappuccino or the $1 coffee from McDonalds?" I'm used to moving payment amounts and dates around to make up for hubby's spending. But lately... ugh, lately I'm just trying to figure out how to pay all the bills and buy some groceries and not have to borrow money from overdraft every single week.

Two side trail rants: 1.) I have this horrible HORRIBLE defense mechanism almost. When money gets really tight I almost go into denial and I just avoid looking at the account, avoid tracking what's being spent, and avoid the reality of how much we actually have. I lived that way for so long and it "worked" (haha) because we always had credit we could use. Now, I'm trying (not actually succeeding 100% right now) to not use credit but I'm still falling back into this awful denial state. I guess the first step to any problem is identifying it. I know, I have to watch what is being spent and spend what is being taken in. I know this. But I freak out when our income drops down (my hours vary at work) and when Murphy stops by (he's been by alot lately) and I just close my eyes. That's my confession for the day.

Rant 2.) Why is it okay for the government to spend and spend and spend and spend like there's no end to their income but for the rest of us real life and real economic laws apply? You cannot spend money you don't have! You can borrow and borrow and borrow but even then their comes a point when you don't have enough to pay back what you've borrowed (make minimum payments). I'm SO mad at the government right now. The US owe's $59 TRILLION dollars right now. And we're spending about $100,000 a second. I'm trying to clean up my mess. But I am so sick of our elected officials making a mess that technically we as the people of the US are responsible for cleaning up. Why is it okay for them to be SO irresponsible? Why?

Sorry.
 
Okay, for today:
I scheduled most of next month's payments online.
I sat down and wrote out this week and next weeks budgets so I can show my husband exactly what we have and where it needs to go.
I recorded the past several days spending on the spending page of this blog.
I'm FINALLY posting a blog. (it's about time)
And I pulled all the weeds in the front flower beds.
That last one was my favorite accomplishment for the day. I LOVE yard work! It was sort of my reward for actually sitting down and addressing the finances that have been terrifying me lately.

Well that's where I've been. Hope you're all doing stupendously well!