1.) Everything must be equal:
If Grandma is going to give gifts to the kiddos they darn well better have an equal number of presents to open. It would be wildly unfair if one kid opened three and another had only one (despite the one being worth the same as the three combined). And she absolutely must spend the same amount on each kid. Heaven forbid one kid receive a gift worth $10 more than another.
If one grandchild gets four outfits, the others must get four as well. If one kid gets an ornament, they darn well better all get one. Everything must be equal. Everything! Christmas is about nothing if not equality.
2.) No gifts for the adults:
If you want to buy something for your brother, how dare you be so bold. I mean there's a rule: no gifts for adults. Once that threshold of 18 has been passed, don't you dare. He can't even legally drink yet but gosh darn it he is too old to be getting gifts. I mean how would everyone else feel? I suppose it'd be okay if you showed up to the party early and gave him a gift behind closed doors. Or no, actually you better just schedule a separate meeting and give him a gift in secret. Secret gifts are better because then no one gets hurt. Christmas is about nothing if not covert gift giving. (but it better be a gift that he would be able to afford getting you because if you give him something too expensive his feelings or pride may get hurt; see rule number four)
3.) You better make sure and buy all the kids something they REALLY want.
I mean, if it's not on a list somewhere that they've made, if they haven't specifically picked it out themselves then you probably shouldn't be gifting it to them. Actually, you're best off to have their mom or dad buy them a gift and wrap it from you. You can just give the parents cash under the table. If several phone calls back and forth have not been made before the actual gift giving ensues then something clearly was done wrong. If that doesn't work out just gift the kid a gift card. That way you're sure to not get the gift wrong, not to offend the parents with a stupid gift, and not to see a tantrum from the hurt child.
4.) If you receive a gift from someone then you better give them one too.
This one is just conscience speaking. I get it. I really do. We all feel a sort of obligation when an unexpected gift is given but this rule still bothers me. When I give someone a gift that wasn't expecting anything from me it's generally because I found something for them that really meant a lot to me, that made me really think of them. Or the person means a lot to me and I really want to do something extra special for them. Honestly, if I give someone a gift and they automatically feel obligated to gift something back to me that takes away from the giving for me. I don't like it. I think this rule is sad and the obligation is unnecessary. But we've all heard it said, Christmas is about nothing if it's not about obligation.
And it gets even worse when the money equality thing gets thrown in there. If I give you a gift worth $100 (don't worry, that's not going to happen) and then you feel you need to get me something equally as nice. Spit on that! It's all stupid. Don't get me anything. Maybe that should be a new rule: If you get a really unexpected gift then you're not allowed to return the sentiment.5.) We no longer say Merry Christmas. It's offensive...
Should I keep going? I could. I know I shouldn't. I'm being a real Christmas downer. This December has been really special. Little Abe is old enough to remember years past, to totally comprehend everything that's going on, to be really excited about things he's been looking forward to for months (Christmas tradition type things). We've pretty much been celebrating Christmas every day this month and it's been awesome but all these rules, OH. MY. GOODNESS. I'm about to explode. I seriously want to be a hermit. My husband is not bothered about the true Christmas spirit of "obligation and fair play" like I am so the frustration has really just been building and building for me. Thus, all you fine folks get to hear my cheery Christmas rant.
You know, the really Christmasy thing to do would be if everyone just bought everyone else a $10 gift card. I buy one for you to Wal-mart and you buy one for me to Red Lobster and so on and so on. That way everyone would get something from everyone and it'd all be equal. Although, I might not actually like Red Lobster, they use a bit too much butter in their food so actually we should just all give each other cash, no more then $10. $10 cash for everyone. Then everyone gets something. Everyone gives a gift, everyone gets a gift. It's all fair. Kind of pointless in the long run but gosh darn it, it would be fair. No feelings would get hurt. No one would be offended. Perfection. Wonderful, pointless, Christmas perfect... I mean holiday perfection! Who wants to get this ball rolling with me? (that's sarcasm by the way... in case you hadn't figure it out. If everyone gave everyone $10 then no one would have actually given or received ANYTHING!)
The Grinch signing off.
I am laughing and loving this post!
ReplyDeleteOne year I went way off script and bought my nephew (who was into everything fireman that year) a fireman's hat that had a siren, red flashing light, and a bull horn all built into it. HE LOVED IT! Which is exactly why I bought it. Mom and Dad were not so thrilled and still talk about the year I was so horrible. So does the nephew who is 30 and still remember what a fantastic gift I gave him. (And yes, it was completely different than anything the other niece and nephews got)
Sounds like you found the absolute PERFECT gift for him that year! Awesome!!!
Deleteand what a great story. Thanks for sharing it!
DeleteMeh. Calm down. Do it your way. If you want to give a gift, give a gift, if you don't, then don't. Why are you doing this out of, (your words) "obligation and fair play." I would be very upset if I thought someone gave me a gift out of obligation, and on the flip side, if I feel obligated to give, it's not much of a gift, is it? So, again, I say, do it your way.
ReplyDeleteI don't play by societal rules very well. But that does reap consequences, stupid consequences where people get their undies all in a wad. And I don't give gifts or do many things out of obligation. I think my post pretty well displays that.
DeleteThe thing that's bothering me the most this year is watching my mother in law trying her hardest to basically play along with all this madness. She has been following all of "the rules" the very best she can AND still her best efforts aren't enough for some. It's madness and looks pretty much the opposite of Christmas to me.
"The opposite of Christmas." Amen, Sister.
DeleteBy the way, I didn't comment on the post, but I thought the card you and your son made was terrific!
I know I succumb to the numbers thing, but only because I like pattern-hah. No, I understand your rant-the unwritten rules of how things should or shouldn't be are difficult to just ignore when others are so insistent.
ReplyDeleteThank-you. That's the think I guess this year. There are some VERY insistent people that are making it look like these unwritten rules are all Christmas is about. Obviously so not the case but... ugh, so troubling.
DeleteHave a good grouch. Feeling better? Great. That's the best bit about blogging. You can have a good moan/grouch/cuss. And you can give the rest of us a rueful giggle!
ReplyDeleteCan I give you a little something in return? It's a little quote from George Eliot.
"A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
thank-you.
DeleteI needed to get it out.
The blog is often the best venue :)
I will say when it is your child who gets the short end of the stick....all of a sudden the rules mean more.
ReplyDeleteThat said...the best way to handle the rules is to set them up in advance. Things go wacky when different people have different rules. It may not help for this year, but it helps moving forward.
That's actually one of the things that's bothering me the most. My child will have more then enough gifts to open from his grandma this year. She's gone above and beyond. But she's spent less on him then the other kids and it's freaking her out because someone else in the family is SOOOOO... everything listed above.
DeleteMy husband and I both told her to please just be done. He doesn't need anymore gifts but she felt so badly about spending less on him then the others that she came over and handed us cash. It's crazy, like it does not have to be like that and I feel badly that she thinks it does.
One of the other children who is getting a very expensive toy has an upset parent because that child won't be opening "enough" presents (since the one toy was so expensive). She actually suggested that my mother in law go out and buy more for the child so he won't have too few presents to open. I'm sorry, it all seems like madness to me, not Christmas.
We don't have any real "rules" for the holidays. My sister & I have general spending guidelines, but that's mostly to keep us in check (if I gave her no budget, she'd spend to much, and I'd hate that). We both go over or under, depending on if we find something that is a perfect gift.
ReplyDeleteThere are no obligations. We don't exchange adult gifts, but this year I'll likely get my sister a gift card for a flight, as she does SO much for me all year round.
I'm with you - if it's an obligation, what's the point? No thanks. Christmas is about spending time together, relaxing, and delighting people. No more, no less.
I like general spending guidelines. That honestly makes sense. I mean, yeah that's kind of a rule but not bordering on psychotic like some things.
DeleteTime together, relaxation... Christmas giving. Exactly! All this other stuff is a bit too much for me to handle this year.
It is insane! My MIL gives way too much. My parents give nothing sometimes or $50 other times, no rhyme or reason. And some of my siblings decided that when their nieces and nephews turned 18, no more gifts. What? My siblings and parents live all over the country, none closer than a 7 hour drive. For me, giving gift at Christmas to my nieces and nephews (and families) is the ONLY connection I have with them. So now I give to all (usually a $10 ornament and books for their babies)and none give to mine except my sister because she cares too (though she doesn't give to any other children of siblings since they don't give to her kids...sigh!). Its all just nuts!
ReplyDeleteI guess this year seems like the first year where I've seen gift giving as a chore, and not for myself, but for so many others around me. There have always been a few people that I'm not super excited to give a gift to but in reality my husband is the one gifting to them and not so much me. But otherwise Christmas is just such a fun time to try and surprise people, bless people, give something that means something to me. I want each person who receives a gift from me to know I care.
DeleteThis year I guess I'm looking outwardly WAY TOO MUCH. I think I just need to (gosh darn it same as my Thanksgiving time advice to myself) let it go and not let them get to me.
It sounds like you really want the same thing, to show others, your family that you hardly ever see that you care about them. It is really hard when it doesn't feel like they care too. Just keep being true to you.
It sounds like you plan to :)
Merry Christmas