Wednesday, May 22, 2019

mid week misfire

Tuesday: wake up late for work. Work. Meet family at dentist for cleanings. Head home for a grouchy evening. Wow... Tuesday.

I don't work Wednesdays so today I'm home trying to accomplish as much at my other job (taking care of my family) as possible.

Yesterday's WIN: I'm not sure actually. Genuinely can't think of anything. Okay, Abe didn't have an cavities. I can totally call that the win for the day.

FAIL: The whole day was kind of a bust so I could just go with that. I think that the actual fail for the day is my default reaction to annoying situations. Attitude is everything. I had a bad attitude yesterday.

SPICE: I'm sitting here. Sitting here. Sitting here. Honestly every single day should have several wonderful spices, no matter how simple, how short lived... it's sad to have to sit and sit and sit and think and come up blank. The thing I LOVE about blog challenges like this one is how incredibly apparent it becomes that if you make an effort to notice, remember, and chose to be impacted by the little things in life that can just pass us by, but despite how small they are they do matter, they are what bring joy, they are what impact us and make life worth living, if you make an effort to notice these things they become SOOOOOO very much more impactful. (sorry that was a ridiculously long sentence). When I just go through life, trying to mark off the to-dos, trying to keep my sanity, trying to make it to appointments on time and get through the work day, when I don't make a very conscious effort to notice the little things it's almost as if they never actually happened. So much of life is missed even though it was there.

It's like driving past the most beautiful landscape in the world. You might see it for a few seconds out the side window. It's still beautiful. But if you stop and stroll through the landscape, sit and sip a cup of tea immersed by the beauty it changes you. 

Sunday, May 19, 2019

fifty two seconds of silly abe

I have to start off with yesterday's SPICE: pictured above ^
I should have made blueberry pancakes again because that would have made the morning complete perfection. Our day started off with me making coffee, grabbing a few breakfast biscuits and then reading the Bible to the two littles. After a few verses in Genesis it was time for Abe to read to me. To keep little sis distracted we gave her a book of her own to play with. Thus, picture me sitting on the loveseat (where I snapped the photo from), sipping hot coffee and listening to my seven year old pride and joy read his Captain Underpants book in his silly voices (it can be annoying but it's funny) and watching this little peanut read through/ look through/ kiss/ nibble on/ get into some sort of wrestling match with her book. I'm not sure life could be much better, unless the window was open and bird songs were wafting in the background and blueberry pancakes were on a plate in front of me. This is one of those moments that I want to put in my back pocket and carry with me forever. This is the loveliest of spices!

The WIN for yesterday was simply not overdoing it. Yep. I win because I did less than normal. My back has been really sore and I told myself in the morning that I needed to chill. Mission accomplished. We didn't go anywhere (except for a walk around the neighborhood). I didn't do any yard work (I think the main culprit for why my back has been bothering me more than normal). I didn't do as much house work as I should have. Check ✓✓✓

Yesterday's FAIL was kind of, sort of, yelling at my mother in law on the phone. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I yelled. In the past two weeks I have already had a mother in law fail once before. This is my second offense in two weeks. I don't think my mini freak out was totally unjustified but again, I should have had more self control. Darn it!

I'll leave you with a fifty two second video of Abe that I took yesterday morning. As a part of our daily routine he reads to me for a bit. He likes to read in ridiculous voices. Generally I try and force myself not to stop him when he's reading in really annoying voices even though it drives me crazy. He enjoys it. Here's a sneak peek into my daily torture, LOL!

Saturday, May 18, 2019

super sunny saturday stop by

Stopping by blogger quickly to post a win/fail/ spice for yesterday before we head out for a family walk.

WIN: I got a lot of cleaning/ to-dos done and we did a lot of school.
FAIL: While I was mowing the lawn and Abe was pushing baby sister up and down the sidewalk in her fancy shmancy pink car I stopped to tell him that he shouldn't blow dandelion fuzz in the neighbors yard (he was blowing it in his sisters face and it was actually really cute) especially while the neighbor is standing there watching because lets be honest people don't want help seeding dandelions in their yards. The neighbor didn't hear me correcting my kiddo but Abe got really embarrassed and bailed on his "helping out with baby sis while mom mows the lawn" duty. Ooops
SPICE: Homemade fresh blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Seriously perfect way to start the weekend!!!

Friday, May 17, 2019

stray spices

I genuinely can't remember anything about yesterday except that I was really tired all day long. You ever have days like that? They're so uneventful that you can't really recall what happened? For yesterday's missing post I'm going to just run through some spices that I've noticed over the past two weeks but hadn't posted because I chose others to highlight instead.

For sure there were two different mornings when I stepped outside to leave for work. The sun was just beginning to rise so the sky had that perfect dark blue with a glow on the horizon. The air was the best of spring morning temps. And the birds!!! Really that's the spice. Stepping outside in the morning on a perfect day to hear the serenade of the birds. Love, love, LOVE it! One of my favorite spices anytime.

Another moment that really stuck out to me was baby girl snuggles. My baby is wild! She is a ferocious bundle of joy, un-ending smiles, giggles, she has the funniest gruff laugh when she's about to be mischievous. Honestly I've never encountered a happier baby. But she never stops moving. Well, on the flip side she's slept a lot in her little baby lifetime. She started walking beside the furniture long before she began to sit. She can't walk more then three steps on her own yet but she's already climbing things. She stands up in the tub and I shower her instead of giving her baths because she can't sit still for more than thirty seconds (actually that's probably too long, maybe fifteen seconds). She enjoys every minute of it but she is a busy little lady. Always on the move.

Having said all that she is still a little cuddler until she tries to jump from your lap or out of your arms. One evening this past week Abe and his dad ran out to the playground to play frisbee. I very consciously decided I was going to take a break instead of doing some sort of chore that needed to be done. To be fair breaks usually mean some sort of chore that needs to be done is not going to get done. There's just not enough time but I'm often pretty sore and I don't often take many real relaxing breaks. There's honestly something really different about sitting down exhausted while going through the list of what needs to be done next in your head and feeling overwhelmed by the reality of the to-dos and genuinely allowing one's self a real break, relaxation. I'm horrible at the latter. Anyhow I took a moment out for me, to just rest. Wild baby Wren played gleefully close by until she walked over and started climbing on me. Then she wanted to snuggle.

Raising this little baby girl is so much different than raising my baby Abe. He isn't exactly jealous of her but at the same time he wants everything to be just as it always was. Totally understandable. Totally impossible. I spent all my time on him, all my energy, all of my all on him over the past seven years. I sang so many songs to my little baby Abe, read him countless, truly countless books. He went with me everywhere I went, to do yard work, to do laundry, to cook, ect; It's not the same for baby girl. It can't be. I don't feel guilty. I don't necessarily feel bad for her but the other night when they left and she wanted to cuddle, it was a rare mommy daughter time like I used to spend with my baby Abe that we never get. I picked out a few board books to read to her and snuggled her and, truly I adore my little lady and I'm SOOOOOO happy she has her big brother to take away my time and to make her laugh hysterically and to get frustrated with her when she needs to eat and he wants my attention but having alone time snuggles with just her was one of the best spices imaginable. Wow, that was a really long explanation for a really simple thing. Haha!

I had imagined I'd list several stray spices but I think I've been long winded enough to wrap this post up with just the two.

Mommy and baby girl

Mommy and baby Abe

Thursday, May 16, 2019

airport, sunny beach, and memory lane

I began the day yesterday with a tremendous amount of aspirations. Truly I set myself up for failure. BUT the WIN for the day was that I accomplished just about everything I'd planned to do. Now that's rare. The littles and I started out the day by running to the store for some yard supplies. That was followed by a decent amount of yard work at my own house. After a quick shower we headed out for a field trip to a small local-ish airport. The field trip was followed by an outing to the beach. The kids and I were out for about five hours. Pretty much right when we arrived home I made a rather elaborate dinner. Then we ate. Bedtime was right around the corner and that is what I call an oddly successful day.

We didn't fly in the jet but Abe loved going inside it and exploring.

In the FAIL category I really have to rack my brain. I guess it would have to be that we didn't get as much school done as I'd have liked (as far as book reading and work pages go) but we went on a cool field trip so really I don't consider that much of a fail.

You know what? Yesterday was really SPICY. I love that we spent a lot of time outside. It was a beautiful day. I met new people at the field trip and enjoyed hanging out with them at the beach. My baby Wren went in a swing for the first time and she loved it. There were numerous gems throughout the day.

One aspect of the day that really stood out to me was pretty bittersweet. In order to get to the airport and then to the beach I had to take routes I haven't driven in years. Driving old familiar paths brought a tidal wave of memories. It was fun literally driving down memory lane. "oh, there's the gas station that Kristin and I paid for a few gallons of gas all in pennies." "wow, there's the drug store where I bought nickel candy every morning of fifth grade on my bike ride to school." "Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that one friend I hung out with a few times in... hmm, was it ninth grade? What was her name? I'm pretty sure that was her house." I drove miles and miles and miles of routes that used to be regular parts of my life but that I haven't much visited in over a decade.

The really bitter part of the adventure was that SOOOOOOO many places from my youth are gone. There are condominiums built where none had been, new stores and restaurants, roads have been rerouted. It's truly crazy how much is different and gone. I suppose it really is a fact of life but tons and tons of places from my childhood and adolescence are no longer in existence. Yesterday was a great day but this one particular fact did make my heart sad.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

burnt toast

Yesterday's WIN meant heading to my sister's again. She has a pretty big yard, at least three times bigger than ours. On Sunday I mowed the lawn at her house. Yesterday we finished mulching her beds, trimmed the front boxwoods, and seeded the bare spots in the lawn. I think the biggest thing about yesterday's win was making myself get outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. I find it really difficult to be productive after work so it really is a nice win when I can get outside and enjoy life on work days.

I guarantee you there were several FAIL's yesterday I mean we're talking about real life here but I can't think of any so I'm going to give myself a lovely pass in the fail category.

Last night while I was feeding the baby my kiddo made a surprise for me in the kitchen. He was being secretive so when he was finished he say's, "Mom, I'm hungry. Can we go in the kitchen and look for some food?" I could tell he was up to something so I agreed. When we got in the kitchen I saw that he had hung a sign from the counter that said, "for mom." Directly above it was a plate with a slice of peanut butter toast and three crackers. Then he say's, "I tricked you. I'm not hungry but I made you a surprise." Now, did I really want to eat slightly burnt toast with peanut butter and three crackers on the side right before bed? Uh... It doesn't matter. It was the sweetest thing!!! And he's so stinkin cute! It was the best strange bedtime snack of a lifetime and one of the best SPICEs yet. Who'd a thought burnt toast with peanut butter and crackers could be such a sweet spice?

Monday, May 13, 2019

flop flip

Sunday's WIN was getting the yard work done at my sister's house. I'd planned to help out over there on Friday so this accomplishment only came two days late.

The FAIL for the day is genuinely odd. When evening rolled round I asked Abe if he would like to do a craft with me. We don't do nearly enough crafts and I figured it'd be a good way to close out the day. Boy was I wrong. We tore little bits of construction paper to glue into the shape of a flower. He likes destructive crafting so I figured torn paper was a good route. Glue is messy and he's a big fan of messy anything. Well, little sister was determined to complicate things, get into things, be extra needy while not getting into things... lets just say she made the event eventful in the wrong sort of way. On top of that Abe didn't understand my direction at a few points and I snapped at him. Here we are trying to have a good time, make a cute art piece, and do something different with the evening and it totally went to crap. What honestly should have been a delightful spice to top off the day turned into something more like spoiled milk.

Despite things not going to plan we did end up with a lovely SPICE to top off the day. I got baby Wren to bed early (she needed it!). And (this is a repeat) since hubby was at work and since our last game of Battleship ended up a fun flop I asked my kiddo if he wanted a rematch. We really don't get much mommy Abbe time. Battleship was just what the doctor ordered (to make up for the craft gone awry). And maybe a repeat spice but still a spice none the less. Abe won.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

saturday humdrum

Yesterday's WIN, so boring: Chores. Lots of laundry, all the dishes, mowed the lawn, straightened up (this needs to be done numerous times a day). Ect;

FAIL: I was supposed to go to my sister/ mom's house to help with odds and ends. I never made it. I'll probably go today though so we can call this one a half fail too. Haha

SPICE: Trying a new Bubly flavor? Can that be my spice of life for the day? Our household is kind of in love with Bubly. My husband drinks an absurd amount of it but Abe and I do enjoy an ice cold refreshing can with dinner. Our family favorite flavors are grapefruit and apple. For the record we do not buy pop/ soda. I love a coca cola at a restaurant but we never bring pop home. Bubly is the exception but it's not exactly pop since it's just carbonated water, right? Anyway we tried the pineapple flavor a few days ago. Sooo good! And today I tried the new Watermelon one. Yep, I love that one too. Darn it I think we have an addiction. Can you be addicted to flavored water?

Well, that's it for Saturday.
Could it have been more eventful? Yes.
Am I happy with the day as it was? You bet.

Not an ad at all. 
We just sincerely love the stuff.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

curtains and youtube

I've always been strange so I can't entirely blame my pension for using every last ounce of an item and having very little interest in aesthetics on Guatemala but I do. Years ago I went to Guatemala and helped out at feeding programs and built small homes for widows up in the mountains. I took four separate trips for such endeavors but after the first trip I came home changed. The second and third and fourth trip just helped to solidify my resolve. This is all said in preface of yesterday's win.

My husband and I purchased his grandparent's home years ago. I've mentioned before that we live in the house that my mother in law grew up in, the house her father had built for their family. Well it just so happens that we have the same curtains she grew up with as well. Now, in my defense they are very thick, well made, light blocking (you couldn't buy the same quality in a store these days for anything) and for the most part I do like them. Our curtains in the living room and bedrooms are genuinely antique. The front curtain however began falling apart a long time ago. A combination of age, time, and my very young son continually pulling at it when peeking out the front window a hundred times a day had begun to demolish it. I was reluctant to replace it because I didn't want to spend the money, because I don't like shopping, because I knew I'd have to replace not only the curtain but the hardware (since the pully system that the curtain rolled on was breaking as well).

In January I ended up getting some robins egg blue curtains on deep clearance. But I hung them up on the old rod that they didn't quite fit on and that was very broken (there may have been some duct tape involved with this procedure). In wrapping up a very long, rather uninteresting story, the first set of new curtain's I've ever purchased have been displayed in front of our large living room window for the past four months on an old broken rod (eh hem, with duct tape helping the rod to not fall down). Yesterday's WIN was purchasing a new rod (on sale, yay) AND putting it up. It's nothing fancy shmancy but it's a job much needed and well done. That's a very big win for me.

Oddly, the FAIL for the day is related to the spice so I think that makes it a half fail and not a complete fail. I spent way too much time at the computer. My baby girl took a very long second nap while my son and husband were gone and I didn't do anything productive, well, I think I was productive but not in a very responsible way. Onto the spice!

Abe has been begging me for months to let him do LEGO videos on youtube. He has a lot of Legos. He gets them as gifts. He spends his allowance on them. He spends gift money on them. There are a few channels on youtube that we let him watch so obviously he's been wanting to get in on the fun. Last week we posted his first video and he was thrilled. Only yesterday I started experimenting with video editing. I learned a lot and spent some VERY RARE mommy alone time in front of the computer having a ton of fun. I learned how to add an image over a video (and how to add background music or sound overlay even though I didn't add any to his video). I was able to edit his video from yesterday with four different images placed in the upper left hand corner throughout and I'm very proud of the newly learned skill. I think it's pretty safe to say that new knowledge and increased skill is a wonderful kind of SPICE.

an older picture of a happy us

Friday, May 10, 2019

our week in photos

One week of my May challenge complete!

I thought I'd taken more photos. Oops. Here's three anyhow from this week. 

The Dutch dancers from Monday evening
Baby Wren in the cold sprinkles

Our gloom day walk/ ride

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

gloomy and family

Yesterday was pretty chilly and gloomy. I feel like my mood sort of matched the weather. There were no significant wins throughout the day for me. The only thing I can think of is when we took a break from school work to take a few walks around the block. I pushed the baby in an adorable pink car that their great uncle gave them and Abe rode his scooter. This was a WIN for me because I felt like I was getting grouchier and grouchier and even though it was windy, lightly sprinkling, and chilly it was really good for all of us to get outside and move around.

I already stated the FAIL for the day. I should have taken a time out sooner. Grouchy days are no good for anyone. Yes, we all have them and they are TOTALLY allowed. But I could have tried harder to shake the grouch, that's all.

Yesterday's SPICE involved seeing a relative who we haven't seen in thirteen years. We headed out just past 6PM (super late in my book as I normally have the baby in bed by 7:30) to my in laws. Try this one on for size, my husband's step dad's niece was in town. Yep, his cousin but they NEVER call her that. Weird, right? They just always call her Papa's niece. Okay, anyway, she's so nice. We're friend's with her on facebook so she's watched Abe grow up in part. She knows a bit about us and we know a bit about her. My mother in law takes a trip across country once a year to stay with her in California for about a month.

Last night she treated the whole family to dinner at my in laws. She brought gifts for the young children. She made microwave smores for them all. And she is just as happy and friendly and kind as I remember her being from 13 years ago when I first met her. Seeing family that we never see was a completely fabulous spice! When we got home Abe talked about her and asked a few questions about her while I was getting him ready for bed. He kept reffering to her as, "that nice lady." I love it.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

family walk around town

Yesterday's win, fail, and spice are all the same thing. I work on Tuesdays. I got home with sore feet and a hungry tummy. After sitting down to visit with the baby who acts like she hasn't seen one of us for an entire little baby lifetime when we get home from work I was ready to start making dinner (and to start eating dinner). My WIN for the day was saying yes when my husband asked if we could go for a walk before dinner. This was a win because it would have been so easy to say no. My feet (and back) really hurt. I was super hungry. And I knew I'd have to make dinner as soon as we got back from the walk. Total win!

The FAIL was not bringing Abe's water bottle with us. My child, always overflowing with energy, is unbelievably strong, athletic, outdoorsy, and thirsty. He's always thirsty. Leaving the house for a three and a half mile walk without water was a major fail on my part. You'd think I'd have learned by now. Needless to say, about a half mile from home he, "just couldn't go on!!!" His feet hurt. His back hurt. He was going to faint any second. He may have fallen down very dramatically in a few different front yards. Here's my reminder for every single time in the future, ALWAYS bring water!

We live in a beautiful town with a nice little downtown area and we're rather close to the lakeshore. We love going for walks. None the less we had a long harsh winter and we've only gone for two or three walks in the past few months. Going for a nice long family walk in sunshine with the pleasant spring weather (minus the last half mile of drama) was a wonderful SPICE for a long busy Tuesday evening.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

dragons and dutch dancers

Almost one quarter of my kitchen had been taken over by toys, toys that Abe has been playing with regularly in there (mostly involving slime) but I was slowly losing hold of a very important room in my house. If you've never watched an area become over run with toys you must know that this process also included other random things making their way into the beast: spoons, magnets, socks, an strange assortment of dishes that in reality he'd been using for the slime activities; the list goes on. Yesterday's WIN was my valiant conquest at taking back my kitchen. It's almost completely back to normal and is such a breath of fresh air. Abe will still be playing with slime and dragons and little men and a giant dinosaur to accompany it all so there is some fear of a regroup on the enemy's side but for now I am victorious. A sweet sweet win.

I made tacos yesterday. It had been planned. I made guacamole, fried peppers and onions, cut up fresh cilantro and diced fresh onions (we eat a lot of onions). We were stocked with chips and salsa and a sickening assortment of hot sauces since my husband is slightly obsessed. BUT I forgot sour cream. FAIL! (Dinner was still good)

My SPICE for the day was weird. It was like trying a new spice or maybe like trying a savory spice with something sweet and you sort of like it but it's weird. Anyway I took the kids last minute after dinner and rushed out of town, about 40 minutes south of us to watch my BEAUTIFUL nieces Dutch dance in central park for the Tulip Time Festival. I'm super glad we made it, got to watch them, ect, ect, it's was a wonderful spice. Gosh darn it they are gorgeous! I haven't seen them Dutch dance before and I doubtfully will head back out this week to see the festivities again but what a scramble! Little Abe was bothered at how short the outing actually was (even though we were gone for TWO HOURS on a Monday evening). I was rushed the whole time. Baby girl was sort of fussy, since I may have woke her up from her nap and shoved food down her throat. But you know what, all in all I'm really glad we went and there you have it.

Monday, May 6, 2019

yard work and the avengers

We now head outdoors to find my WIN. Yesterday I mowed the lawn for the first time this year. Ta da! After having highly neglected the lawn last year, while being rather pregnant and then rather newborn laden for the bulk of the summer it was really nice to get outside and start cleaning up the mess this year.

Normally Abe either helps me with yard work or plays along side me while I enjoy the sun, the plants, and the fresh air. Yesterday was delightfully different. Baby sister needed to be kept entertained and my little man fulfilled the requirements wonderfully. I love being out of doors and I do enjoy yard work. But watching Abe push his baby sister around in this pink car that their great uncle gifted her was a much added bonus. She cruised in style. Her hair floating in the wind. The largest smile on her sweet happy face. Cracker in hand, riding up and down the driveway and sidewalk like a small queen. They made my heart glad.

Tiny FAIL noted: I looked back and realized that I should have taken at least a moment out of doing yard work to play with the kiddos. Or maybe even just took a quick stroll around the block with them when I was through. It's not that I actually failed in that regard. The kids had fun. I got the lawn mowed. We all enjoyed sunshine and fresh air. No problem whatsoever. But I should have thought to add the slightest bit extra to that portion of our day and spent a little quality time with them while we were at it. Not much to scoff at, just a realization after the fact. Like the day before, I'm happy to keep this in mind for the next time I'm rushing to get a job done and a grand opportunity to love on the kiddos is sitting right there.

My husband LOVES movies. I'm not as enthusiastic. I'd rather sit in a lawn chair and watch the birds but still, we're almost seventeen years into this thing and my husband LOVES movies. He goes to the theater, usually with little Abe at least once a month. So it was a weird revelation yesterday when I got the opportunity to leave the baby home with him so that I could go to the theater that I haven't been to a movie theater in over a year. Time flies when you're raising kids. Really though, yesterday's SPICE was a fun outing to the theater (for the first time in over a year) with my sister and little Abe to see Avengers End Game. Now, all that having been said I just realized we need to book a baby sister so that I can go to the theater with my husband sometime soon. Yep, all kinds of realizations happening in today's ramble.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

win fail spice

Yesterday's WIN was small. But a small win is still a win. I'm happy that I found the motivation to keep focused throughout the day. Saturday's tend to be the day where I can see a million different tasks that need tackling. Being bombarded by so many different starting points causes me often to not know where to start. Then a perfectly good day slips away and I'm left feeling overwhelmed and unaccomplished. Yesterday's win meant my going to sleep last night feeling that the day was well lived.

The FAIL for the day was something I could have done differently. Our little Wren wore a large white lace bow yesterday and I couldn't have been more proud of our tremendously beautiful ten month old blessing. My mother in law was greatly humored when she asked what accident my baby girl had been in and why she was wearing a bandage on her head. I wear my every emotion on my face and anyone near could tell I was NOT humored. I should have left it there at least. But instead I made sure to point out the insult and let her know that she had been unkind.

I've always been proud of my boldness but I've also come to learn that often times it's better to not speak. No good whatsoever will come of my having made known my hurt feelings. I should have just let it go. But, don't you know there will be a next time so I will try harder when it comes.

On to the SPICE of the day. After baby girl had been put to bed and daddy fell asleep on the couch Abe and I were left to ourselves. He misses alone time with me and I don't blame him. Our little Wren turned his world upside down. It was slightly past his bedtime and I could have put him to bed but instead of following the rules, instead of getting him to sleep so I could finish the dishes and get myself in bed (one of my very favorite parts of the day) we stayed up together and played Battleship.

To be honest, I wish I could say, "Oh, yeah we play board games all the time. At least once a week." But no. That's just one of the MANY, many, manyyyyyy things in life that permanently sit on a mile long list of things that would be nice to do regularly. This is where I could go off and list hundreds of "I wish I had time" things. Nope. Last night playing Battleship with my young man was totally a spice of life. He had a blast. I had a ton of fun. We didn't even finish the game when I was about to win because he accidently tipped his board over. We were able to laugh about it and then sit together and snuggle awhile. We were able to enjoy really great quality time together, just the two of us and we didn't even have to go anywhere to get away from dad and sister. Win, win, win, fantastic spice!

Saturday, May 4, 2019

setting myself a may challenge

I figure if I challenge myself to post a mentally productive rambling before I stop by facebook each day I'll kill two birds with one stone as they say. I guess if you're hungry, out in the wild, living off the land, foraging for your food then killing two birds with one stone would be pretty great but after having typed the old saying out it's rather morbid. Poor little birdies.

Before I wander off into the black hole that is the internet, each day of May I'm challenging myself to post:
A Win - an accomplishment or hurdle I've overcome
A Fail - something important to me that I could have done better or didn't do at all
A Spice - something about the day that was out of the ordinary, in a positive way of course. A tasty spice not a bitter one.

Friday, May 3, 2019

getting the noise out

I sit down at the computer and hit that orange "new post" button for me. For the longest time that's why I came here. My fingers move across the keyboard effortlessly because there's so much noise rumbling around inside my head. I just want to let it out, to organize it, to see it in print on the screen before my eyes. This venue of letting total strangers, of wanting total strangers to read my thoughts, of becoming friends with total strangers whose faces I may never see all in an effort to get some of the noise out... I guess it's become quite normal.

The noise is made up of endless to-do lists, dreams and goals, beautiful encounters, heart ache and pain, past hauntings, new beginnings; gosh darn it there's a lot of noise. I like the idea, I like knowing that people can stop for a moment, take a peek inside my messy mind and walk away with a smile or a giggle, with a new idea or a new thought. Shoot, I guess that means my getting it out may actually contribute to someone else's rumble...

I've been unbelievably busy and unorganized for the past several years. I miss sitting down and letting my fingers type away the noise. I miss reading what fellow bloggers have to contribute to their own stories. But I've been silent, I think, not only because I can't find enough time (for anything) but because I've always blogged for me; I've always blogged because I have something to let out. There are words in my head that I need to see in print and until I let them free the noise in my head is just too much but over time I think that all changed. I think... the realization that people come here and read what I have to say caused me to stop blogging for myself. That was a mistake.

Tonight after the baby went to bed, after I washed some of the dishes (there are still MANY left untouched filthy on the counter), after I put a load of laundry in the wash, I sat at the computer and opened pinterest. It's not a place I go often unless I want to find a new recipe or need book ideas. Generally I waste my precious down time scrolling facebook but tonight I decided just to scroll through pins. Normally pinterest leaves me with a happy expectation sort of feeling. My feed is a seemingly endless wall of fun ideas, beautiful photos, interesting books, fantastic homeschool content, fuzzy little lambs; there's so much beauty there. It really is just a compact personalized magazine.

Only, pinterest tonight made my head hurt. I scrolled down the page for a little while. My son came over and glanced over my shoulder, asked me what I was looking at, made a few comments about different photos he saw scrolling by and I kept thinking, "how could I ever make a second of time to add any of this beauty to my life when I can't even begin to clean up the mess I currently have going?" To be clear, its a normal mess. I think 99% of us are living in a normal mess, the kind memes talk about often, the kind coffee was made for (okay, coffee wasn't made for messes but it's marketed quite well for them even so). I just haven't been very good at tackling the noise in my head or the dishes on my counter (or anything else).

I don't know if I can find the time but I think I need to make much more of an effort at getting the noise out, organizing the rumblings in my mind, and allowing myself see what my fingertips want to type out. I think I need to start blogging for me again.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

New Year's Resolution: I DON'T CARE!

Maybe it's horrible but I'm serious, oh no, not that I don't care about resolutions. On the contrary, that is my resolution. I don't care!

Yesterday at work amidst chaos and after a HORRIBLE start to the day/ year  I found myself telling a co-worker, "my new year's resolution is that I don't care." It sounded silly but my oh my did I love the sound of it.

I wear A LOT of hats, or at least I try to. I juggle a ton of things all day long. But to be honest I can't juggle very well. This year I genuinely want to go through life declaring at almost every occasion where I'm about to pull my hair out, this close to losing my temper, just about to physically feel my blood pressure rise (the list goes on): I don't care.

To be clear, I do, but so far it's felt really good to say it because for some reason these three little words really do help me let go. You know that famous Disney song? It's something I'm not good at.

When my son takes a bath and I remind him three times beforehand to keep the water in the tub only to walk in 15 minutes later to a soaking wet bathroom floor: I don't care.
When something at work makes absolutely no sense (in fact it's complete non-sense) but we all have to go along with it anyway: I don't care.
When it's 8PM and there are still twenty things un-done but I need to let go and move on with the night: I don't care.
When I could clean all day (to be honest I could do that everyday) but I should spend some good quality time with my kids instead: I don't care about the mess (it can wait). I don't care.

I could do this all day so I'll wrap it up. There it is. Maybe it's awful but I don't care.

Happy New Year! Hoping a really great 2019 for all of us.

Sunday, November 25, 2018


The merriest of holidays is one month away. ONE month! Somehow this year seemed to last forever while altogether flying by. Time is such a strange thing.

Things here are as they should be: normal, wild, crazy, busy, simple, busy... busy! Life is such a blessing, a crazy, wild, beautiful blessing.

Baby Abe, little Abe, has somehow been transformed into six and a half year old big kid Abe who is reading up a storm (honestly, he's reading at about a third grade level in the first grade), has more energy in one day then his father and myself combined over an entire week, adores his baby sister/ is a fantastic big brother, has a wild sense of humor (just like his dad), and without a doubt if we let him could talk for a week straight without stopping except to take quick breaths.

Our tiny Wren as I'll call her is the happiest baby I've ever had the privileged of knowing. At five months old she's almost certainly slept over half of her life thus far. Sleeping beauty for sure! When she's awake, she's strong, a little feisty, thinks that life is meant to be lived LOUD (thanks to big brother) and almost always has a smile on her tiny face.

The house is always a mess. My mind never rests. At times I'm not sure I've accomplished even the most basic of necessities required of a day but life goes on and we are thankful.