I'm not sure who first said it but with me this is so very, VERY true. I think the problem lately is that I've only just been reaching for the neighboring town and only just been making it out my front door. Forget the stars or the moon.
Remember when you were a child, people asked you all the time, "what do you want to be when you grow up." When I was six I'd always answer, "I'm going to be a writer." And I was going to be. At six I didn't think about the path there, about life experience or college just that I was going to be a writer. When I was ten I'd answer, "an architect. I draw houses." And I did, constantly. You know most ten year old girls draw pictures of horses, princesses, landscapes with apple trees and fluffy clouds? I drew houses, blueprints, layouts. I had piles and piles of blueprints for fabulous houses. And there were different page numbers on the top for the different levels. Some houses had 10 floors. But two of them were underground, not basements though, underground secret levels that you could only get to by pulling the candlestick on the wall in room number 20. I switched back to wanting to be a writer about about age fourteen. But in highschool I decided I wanted to be an artist. In high school people take you seriously and most adults who found out my aspirations told me I was silly. "You can't make money on art." This is when dreams started to grow legs... they weren't just going to happen, I had to make them happen. OH MY GOSH... that's a reality check. And this is when they started to die.
On yesterday's post I received this comment:
I'm sure, that you will dream again. About loads of other things. I've just started to let my dreams in again. They're not dead, just changed and adjusted. I grew up and my dreams with me.-LottebeesI think while I was growing up my dreams were growing down. On the phone a few weeks back with my friend I really realized that I'd let most all of my dreams go. I'm not a kid anymore. I have to make things happen now. Making things happen is too hard. That's really what it's about though isn't it? It's not that my dreams are as unreachable as the stars. It's that I have to make them happen. Yikes.
Like I said yesterday I've been reading and brainstorming. I've found of few dreams wandering in this waiting area where I'd left them, thought I lost them, but really had just forgotten them. I'm pretty certain I'm not going to have the five children I'd hoped for but I am madly in love with the one I've got AND I'd almost lost sight of my dream to adopt. Who forgets one of the hugest dreams they'd ever had? This one is still feasible. I'm not going to go looking for a child tomorrow but I will start praying about this dream again.
About three years ago I wrote a kids book. I actually love the thing I just never got around to illustrating it. I think it's about time I get to that. And I also have a book that I want to call half written about my time in Guatemala. I'm an eccentric perfectionist and writing a book was more daunting than I'd anticipated. I have all these different paths that I'd like it to take but I need to choose one. I've spent the past several years letting the thing sit inside my computer never to see the light of day because I can't decide how I want to finish it. Turns out I may have become a writer after all I just haven't ever let myself admit it or finish anything.
Oh, and one last silly dream I remembered today. I was going to be fluent in Spanish before I welcomed a child into this world. Then every other day I would speak to this little gem in either English or Spanish. That didn't happen. But I do know some. I mean I can hold a half way decent conversation with a six year old in the mountains of Guatemala (might I mention though that his or her Spanish isn't perfect either as their first language is actually Quiche (Key-chay)). Come on lets dream again!!! Why can't I speak to my son with the Spanish I already know while beginning to expand my vocabulary again? Yep, I can. And he can learn Spanish while I do. He's one, he can be fluent in two languages without any effort where as it's taken me 30 years of slowly SLOWLY acquiring bits and pieces of a second one (for those of you around the world who are fluent in two, three, and four languages; here in the States we are actually quite jealous).
Baby steps are key. This I've learned while blogging. Seems as though I'm halfway along to several of my dreams. I think a few baby steps towards the stars would be a very good thing.
Me allowing myself to dream again
Pray. Look into adopting. Get out of debt so that it becomes affordable.
Finish the children's book.
Finish the Guatemala book.
Speak Spanish to my little guy and learn more.
Plan a spectacular vacation and save up for it.
|The best and biggest dream I ever had has already come true.|