My last post was almost 3 weeks ago. For someone who blogs almost everyday that's a pretty long time. I've been grouchy, defeated really and I don't much like blogging when all that's crossing my mind is "whoa is me."
A few weeks ago I found myself on the phone with a far away friend who I haven't spoken with, literally, on the phone spoken with in a long time. We keep in touch through facebook (oh what a wonderful deceptive communication tool). The reason for our literal conversation is because she had a break down and spent awhile in a hospital. She said something that really hit hard with me: That all her dreams are dead. That she'd reached the age where all the things she ever dreamt of seemed unrealistic. She'd sat down, looked at life and thought, "this is it. this is how it all turns out." I guess the thought was more than she could handle. But truthfully, without thinking it I've been in the same place for awhile now.
I was going to be a stay at home mom/ architect who designed homes with elaborate secret passages and indoor pools, writing awesome books on the side and traveling the world with my husband and 5 children. I might have also put on a few concerts singing beautiful catchy songs for fans... even if only a few. Honestly I have a difficult time making myself coffee in the morning whilst trying to get the kid and dogs fed, diapered, sent outside to potty (the dogs), and lastly dressed for the day (not the dogs). I know how she feels. It didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. And I realized, "wow. my dreams died awhile back too."
Okay so I have this dream of getting out of debt one day. What a horrible dream to be left with. My dream is to clean up a huge mess that hubby and I made? Really? That's lame! Truth is even if you haven't identified it, feeling like you've nothing left to dream for is horribly defeating. I am glad however that my friend put words to what's been weighing on my heart. I can't say I've been pulled up out of the mire, but I am realizing that I need to dream again. That's a start.
So, I think I'm back. And I'm ready to spice up the journey a bit.
You are in a funk, climb out! What can I do to help you?
ReplyDeleteDon't worry I'm climbing I just thought it might be helpful to share these feelings on my blog. I've started reading again, something I LOVE but haven't done in quite sometime and I'm doing a good bit of brain storming. thank-you very much for the offer of help. I really appreciate you!
DeleteWaking up and realising that its just another day, like all the other days before.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on that one. its very hard to be motivated when you feel like that.
I'm finally seeing the end of the tunnel. Getting my pretty girl out of my hair for just 1 day a week, so I can work again. Just to get my sanity back and feel like I'm really making a difference for my family.
Getting out of debt is a fase, that you're tackling really well and brave. And I'm sur, that you will dream again. About loads of other things.
I've just started to let my dreams in again. They're not dead, just changed and adjusted. I grew up and my dreams with me.
Thank-you! You're right on. I think I'm starting to realize this too. Some of my dreams may no longer be attainable but they can change, adjust, grow up just like me. I like that. It's just a phase. You are right!
DeleteSo good to have you back! I too am ready for change.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to be back as well. Exciting; we get to change together dear friend :)
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