Every step counts. Every tiny bit paid off is a tiny bit no longer owed. Every goal not met is one goal that I came closer to. Every dream not quite aspired to is a dream left to be dreamt. Progress no matter how small is progress none the less.
Ever since the beginning of this blog I've received an overwhelming amount of comments which indicate that the vast majority of you believe I'm being much to hard on myself, setting too extreme goals, not enjoying life quite enough, spending a bit less than I should be spending... $12 a day is just too strict (at least for me). I'm inclined to agree with you all on one level. I've really been struggling to stick to the $12 a day budget. At least since the grand culmination of spectacular events in June I've been struggling to stick to any type of budget. $12 a day is VERY strict for me. You are correct.
I imagine it's a disorder of sorts but I'm really awful at attaining to the goal. I wash the dishes and I never finish all the cups. I do the laundry and I never fold the last basket (even if I did like 10 loads and folded all 9 of the first ones). I set a distance to run and I always stop short just before my preconceived finish line. I always turned my homework in a few days late and not because I spent a few extra days working on it. Just because I didn't start it until a few days after it was due. In fact I aced pretty much every test I ever took in school but I always got B's and C's as my final grades because of turning in my homework late. (I got A's on my homework and they'd get marked down to B's and C's for tardiness) When I want to lose 10 pounds I lose 8. I drive my husband crazy... insane in fact because he says I never finish anything.
I've analyzed this disorder and I blame it on my childhood. Long story short, I pretty much raised myself from age 10 on (along with my 3 younger siblings). My mom was there but not really. No matter how much I cleaned the house it was never really clean. No matter how hard I tried to make a good meal, it was never great. I was never taught discipline. I was never instructed in the little details of things. I've always pretty much done life my own way on my own terms in my own time. Let me tell you 10 years old is a little too young to be thrown to the wolves. You know how parents discipline their kids and say things like, "you'll thank me later." Well sometimes the kids who never got disciplined look back and wish they had.
$12 a day is too strict. Hoping to pay off $10,000 of debt in one year (on a low middle class income) is absurd. Beating myself up for buying a coffee gets old fast. Denying myself new clothing, vacations, ok... anything new at all really is border line crazy. But if I don't set huge goals for myself I'll get nowhere. I tried to spend $12 a day for the first six months of this year and I spent $13.90. I know that if I had budgeted $15 a day I'd have spent $18 something. It's just the messed up way that I am. Don't get me wrong... I tried to stick to the $12 a day budget. When I set a goal I really hope to get to that goal but the truth is I very rarely ever do. Every single time I think to myself, "If I try hard enough, then maybe this time I'll get there."
Just being totally honest. This is me. This is my journey, a record of my failures and my successes, and a crazy story about a crazy girl who does life a little bit differently. Thank-you all for reading.