Saturday, March 5, 2011

Heart Ache and Hopefulness

I'm just letting it out.

My number one goal is getting out of debt. We've been too irresponsible for to long. I've come to terms with the fact that the only way we're going to be able to get rid of this unbearably heavy financial burden is to buckle down, grit teeth, and do it. As Dave Ramsey says: We need to live like no one else right now so that later we can LIVE like no one else. Well, living like no one else means eating 20 cent ramon noodles every day for lunch, spending $12 a day on groceries, household supplies, and gifts, not buying Starbucks like everyone else, and putting every extra penny towards debt. Living like no one else means focusing on the number one goal and pushing aside everything else.

The Burren, Ireland
I have this unbelievably strong desire to travel, to see the world, and get out of dodge. I love home. There truly is no place like home. I cannot imagine living anywhere else. But my heart and my eyes long to feast upon the planet that God created. I've been to Ireland, Canada, Mexico, Guatemala, New York city, Seattle, Chicago, Atlanta, Nashville, Detroit, DC... that's my bragging list. But I still need to see the Red wood trees, and the Grand Canyon. I've yet to embark upon the US national parks or the east coast beaches. I've never been to Florida. Everyone goes to Florida. I HAVE to go to Alaska (HUGE trip by the way). Honestly getting out of debt means not going anywhere for a VERY long time. (ok, I'm going to Detroit next week for work but that so does not count) That's such a harsh reality that hurts quite a bit.

Every minute that I'm "stuck" at home I feel like I'm missing out on life. This living like no one else right now so that later I can LIVE like no one else makes my heart ache. Especially with my near sightedness I feel like later will never get here. Worst of all is my missing Guatemala. I've gone on 4 mission trips to Guatemala and I've left a big part of my heart there in the city of Chichicastenango. The only thing that comforts my homesickness for that place is knowing that I'll someday return but right now, at present, I don't see a someday in the future and it hurts SOOO bad. I can live without new shoes. I don't need nice clothes. It's a battle but I can avoid expensive food. I don't need to buy new toys for my doggies. I can handle getting creative and thinking up cheap gifts for people even though I'd love to spend loads of money on my loved ones. BUT sitting on my butt and not getting to travel, not being able to return to my second home in Guatemala, not being able to see the world; that hurts.
Guatemala 2010

This financial journey is looking to be the most difficult journey I've ever embarked upon. But for the record I just want to say for all the world to hear (if they so wish) I am going back to Chichi (Guatemala) someday to see the new orphan homes that have been built since I was last there. I will return to Ireland and visit the Aran Islands and see the Giants Causeway. I am going to see the red wood trees and the grand canyon and Alaska is on my bucket list. I am going to get out of debt and I am going to LIVE life to the fullest!!!


  1. We fix loaded bake potatoes often with cheese, sour cream,salt, pepper, sometimes even bacon bits. Scramble eggs and have with toast and jam. Bake a few pieces of chicken and serve with a veggie. (whatever I happen to have) If you cook this way and a couple of times a week you want a take out coffee it's ok. I buy nearly all my meat at a certain grocer and buy extra when on special. We make a meatloaf or chili sometimes on the weekends and then have those throughout the week for evening meals.
    I have learned that less is more. It took a long time to just do it. I didn't keep such close track I just knew for the most part what I could and could not buy. Hope you feel better soon.

  2. I hear you! For me at present it is both the financial side but more illness. I have been ill for a LONG time and while I was with my fiancee I could still do some things like travel. I was in a lot of pain but we managed occasionally. Now that we've broken up, I will be going on to a sickness benefit and I won't have the money to do anything and I don't have the ability to earn more due to the illness. I have a LOT of allergies so eating cheap junk food isn't an option for me. In fact the last time I did this to save money is why my body developed allergies in the first place! Good luck with your journey xxx

  3. I feel the same. I want to be DOING something, not working almost every hour of the day earning minimum wage at two jobs I don't really enjoy!

    We can break free of the cycle. :)