Slave to the Lender

I'm trying to get really fueled up for next year. So far with instituting the 45 I'm really getting a head start and I've noticed myself having much more motivation and discipline as of late. I'll tell you what, getting a good head start on the New Years Resolutions BEFORE Christmas is a GREAT idea!

I've started reading through my blog. I'd like to read every post before January. It's really interesting to see where my pitfalls were and the moments that I was really motivated and overcame obstacles. I came across this post "Slave to the Lender" from January 8, eight days into this blog and I really like it. It reminds me why it's so important for me to stay motivated and win this war.

I have two primary reasons for wanting to get out of debt NOW: So much of our income is tied up in payments (and interest payments) that we can't afford things we need anymore and the weight of the debt just sitting there over our heads is unbearable. I need it to be gone. 

The other day I was fighting with myself over a pop. I had a headache, I was super thirsty, work was dragging by more slowly than one would think possible and I was pretty certain that a soda would grant me at least a few moments of alleviation and delight. Once again I thought I'd lost the battle. I decided to spend the money on the pop. I had to have it (my priorities are so skewed). "What's a $1.49"... this is always my argument... "it's just loose change!" 

But then I realized a $1.49 that I don't have; a $1.49 that's not in my budget is a $1.49 that I'm essentially borrowing from one of my creditors (even though we stopped using charge cards over a year ago). Do I really want to owe Discover card or Chase $1.49 (plus interest) for any longer than I have to? Is a pop today, and maybe tomorrow, and maybe a few days from then (which adds up to WAY more than $1.49) worth the burden? 

That one soda fight FINALLY made me realize that my money; the little bit that I work really hard for isn't mine, none of it is. Every penny I bring home is owed to someone that I borrowed it from and every time I spend a cent, be it on food that I need to survive or payments towards heat and electricity I'm essentially borrowing money from someone. That's sickening to me. I am not free. I do not own anything (figuratively speaking). I do not have an income. My money belongs to a long list of creditors and even though I always pay my bills on time, and even though my credit score is amazing, and even though no one is coming after me for delinquency or what have you, until I pay back EVERY LAST DOLLAR, every penny I spend is a penny borrowed. 

I'm ready to grow up and take responsibility and get my life back (I think).