Today was HORRIBLE! The very first thing I did this morning was spend the $3.64 that wasn't spent yesterday. I "had to" have a coffee from starbucks. No, I didn't "have to," but that ugly little cartoon me standing on my left shoulder convinced me otherwise and I wasted the money on it. As if that wasn't bad enough I proceeded to buy food that I was sure we "needed" and went way over budget for today. We are $9.44 over budget for the week. The sensible cartoon me didn't even show up for work today.
The ironic thing is that I half think the reason I was so inclined to buy buy buy is because I've been super stressed about our finances this week. WAY tight until Thursday (ok, with as tight as the budget is we're WAY tight until I don't know when). I've noticed that whenever I get really stressed about money I tend to let my guard down and spend more. It doesn't really make any sense. The only thing I can compare it to is how a drug addict screws their life up more and more and more each time they use drugs but the more screwed up they get the more they need the drugs. It's comforting to acquire things especially hot coffee's, refreshing sodas, relaxing dinners out at restaurants and cadbury eggs. When I'm really stressed about money I feel like I need to spend money in order to relieve the stress. (Obviously that doesn't help)
Today I'm setting a few first goals for this thing:
The first goal is to spend $10 a day. Originally that was my plan. I figured $10 was enough money for all the food we would really need. Then I realized we were going to need more than that for household supplies and you name it. That's where the $2 came in. I've been completely neglecting my original plan and just spending the $12 each day. So goal number one is to spend $10 a day and set aside $2 a day for larger purchases that don't happen daily or weekly for that matter.
The second goal is to pay off our smallest credit card ($285) next month. This goal is feasible. I have it budgeted to be paid next month BUT I've had it budgeted to be paid off for the last three months in a row. We can pay this card off by next month IF we actually stick to our budget; if we don't constantly buy all the little extra luxuries; if we're responsible adults.
The third goal will be the most difficult. My third goal is to try and get my husband on board with the budget. He hates it when I talk about money. He wants nothing to do with the budget but without him on board I'm not really going anywhere.
I don't need expensive coffees.
I don't need soda's, ever really, for any reason... they're super unhealthy.
I don't need to go out to eat.
I NEED to get out of debt!
This is a long post, but I am sorry I just don't want to see you in this depressive funk.
ReplyDeleteHave you two done Dave Ramsey? Getting husband on board is priority #1. If you aren't both committed it's like you are using a leaky bucket to ward off the rising flood waters - certainly doesn't make the job any easier. Plus after a while you will start to resent your husband for not caring about this impending doom that threatens both of you. Presumably you want to get out of debt to enjoy life together, free from financial stress. That can never happen if he is always spending without regard for this budget plan, sorry to say. So, you have to help him understand how important being debt free is for you. To do otherwise is to just sow the slow destruction of your marriage. That sounds dramatic, but it is actually quite realistic. I'm not saying he has to be exactly as on fire as you are, but whatever plan you come up with you should come up with together. Work out a few budget goals that you share, and realistic dates by which you want to achieve them. And his goals and beliefs are as important as yours. You are married, so you have to do it together.
One piece of advice might be to give each of you weekly "blow" money in an amount you can both agree on. Fine, every day you prove to yourself that you can't go without a cadbury egg or a coffee or whatever it is. He apparently has a problem of spending at least $12 a day on whatever it is he likes so much. One choice is for you to beat yourself up every day about how your will power sucks and how his sucks even more as you dig yourself further and further into debt, therby proving your goals unattainable until you finally just give up. The other option is to accept that you each are going to spend a certain amount of money on yourselves, buying whatever crap you want that isn't really needed...and then saying, "we're okay with that". So lets say you each commit to getting $20 a week, or $50 a month, or whatever, as "blow" money. No questions asked, spend on whatever you want, but after that, no more. Whatever amount you choose should be realistic, and within your budget. Then you don't have to spend all your time counting all of the little dollar purchases when the real issue is very big expenses that are apparently taking up most of your paycheck, including what sound like some large credit card payments that you don't really get to enjoy the benefit of each month. (Just doing some basic calculations, I assume if only one of you has a full-time minimum wage job, this $12 a day is still only 1/3 of your total income. I am missing a lot of your picture here so just assume there are many other areas you can cut back on.)
By using a system that allows you to spend blow money you are learning two important things. One: you can have a budget and still have some things you want. Two: how to satisfy your cravings/desires/whims within the constraints of a budget.
Maybe you actually DO NOT currently have the willpower to never eat out again until all credit cards are paid. Guess what? 99.9% of people in the US don't. But people who are out of debt aren't automatically people that never go out to eat, or never eat cadbury eggs. I guarantee you there is someone in the US that eats a cadbury egg every day of the year that has zero debt and lives within their budget. People without debt are simply people that have a reasonable budget that allows them to live within their means while still doing things they enjoy...and of course, the things they have to do. That's all - it is actually a very positive, very enjoyable thing. People without debt buy a little smarter (buy used - save the difference. That is a common mantra among big-time savers), buy a little wiser, but their goal is usually a positive one. They seek to squeeze the maximum amount of enjoyment out of every penny. In our family, we budget every nickel, dime, and quarter. There are some things we can't have, but I don't sit around wishing that I could afford nicer clothes. Instead, I focus on the enjoyment I am going to feel after we spend the next two years saving up the money for a new-to-us vehicle and a basement remodel so that we don't have to spend a dime in interest and so that our expanding family doesn't have to deal with the drama of a car breaking down and the frantic emergency of replacing it. So that we can have more room for people we love to come visit. And, even though I don't have those things right now the excitement of pursuing them is even more tangible than any little desire I have for a complete new wardrobe. However, will I buy clothes for myself in the next two years? You bet I will! The family clothing budget is a little less than 2% of our total budget, and if I spend that budget wisely all of us will have anything we need.
ReplyDeleteI also noticed that your budget in the margin doesn't include expenses like "cable", "electric bill", "house payment", "car payment" - that kind of stuff. Sometimes the easiest way to put money toward a credit card quickly is to eliminate some of your larger expenses, or at least reduce them. Could you go without cable for a year if it meant paying off two or three credit cards? We don't have cable and don't miss it at all - many shows are available for free online. Netflix is a pretty cheap alternative. Maybe you could set your thermostat a little lower, drive a little less, I mean, I don't know what your life is like but I am guessing if you examine things carefully, you could find some areas where you could cut back without noticing it at all.
ReplyDeleteBeyond that, if your husband is into buying cd's and stuff like that, at least have him clean out his collection and sell anything that he can get rid of. Then see if maybe he is willing to challenge himself to try finding his "new" stuff at pawn shops or places where it isn't as expensive? There is nothing like cleaning out all the stuff you have no use for to help you (or your spouse:) realize what it means to waste money. If you take $100 worth of movies and cd's to the pawn shop or post them on craigslist and get $20, that has an impact. Especially when you realize that you enjoy the movie you got three months after release for $8 at the pawn shop just as much as you would have enjoyed the new release for $20 at Wal-Mart.
I hope that was encouraging and not too much of a downer. But basically, maintaining a budget is easily within reach. And by the time you get debt payed off, you will have learned discipline and actually enjoy the constraints of a budget. The true result of having a budget is that you and your spouse are on the same page about what you value most. And while your friends or relatives are agonizing about how to pay for whatever it is that just "comes up", or having power struggles about who gets to pursue what interest du jour, you and your spouse will have spent wisely so that most of the time you have both what you want AND what you need. That is pretty awesome, really.
Part I: This is a long post, but I am sorry I just don't want to see you in this depressive funk.
ReplyDeleteHave you two done Dave Ramsey? Getting husband on board is priority #1. If you aren't both committed it's like you are using a leaky bucket to ward off the rising flood waters - certainly doesn't make the job any easier. Plus after a while you will start to resent your husband for not caring about this impending doom that threatens both of you. Presumably you want to get out of debt to enjoy life together, free from financial stress. That can never happen if he is always spending without regard for this budget plan, sorry to say. So, you have to help him understand how important being debt free is for you. To do otherwise is to just sow the slow destruction of your marriage. That sounds dramatic, but it is actually quite realistic. I'm not saying he has to be exactly as on fire as you are, but whatever plan you come up with you should come up with together. Work out a few budget goals that you share, and realistic dates by which you want to achieve them. And his goals and beliefs are as important as yours. You are married, so you have to do it together.
One piece of advice might be to give each of you weekly "blow" money in an amount you can both agree on. Fine, every day you prove to yourself that you can't go without a cadbury egg or a coffee or whatever it is. He apparently has a problem of spending at least $12 a day on whatever it is he likes so much. One choice is for you to beat yourself up every day about how your will power sucks and how his sucks even more as you dig yourself further and further into debt, therby proving your goals unattainable until you finally just give up. The other option is to accept that you each are going to spend a certain amount of money on yourselves, buying whatever crap you want that isn't really needed...and then saying, "we're okay with that". So lets say you each commit to getting $20 a week, or $50 a month, or whatever, as "blow" money. No questions asked, spend on whatever you want, but after that, no more. Whatever amount you choose should be realistic, and within your budget. Then you don't have to spend all your time counting all of the little dollar purchases when the real issue is very big expenses that are apparently taking up most of your paycheck, including what sound like some large credit card payments that you don't really get to enjoy the benefit of each month. (Just doing some basic calculations, I assume if only one of you has a full-time minimum wage job, this $12 a day is still only 1/3 of your total income. I am missing a lot of your picture here so just assume there are many other areas you can cut back on.)
By using a system that allows you to spend blow money you are learning two important things. One: you can have a budget and still have some things you want. Two: how to satisfy your cravings/desires/whims within the constraints of a budget.