Friday, Thinking about Responsibility

Today I ate:
2 PB sandwiches
2 cups of tea w/ milk and splenda
Ramon Noodles 50 cents
a caramel goodnite mocha $3.50
Reece's 74 cents
Ground chicken meatloaves $2.99 for the chicken
Peas $1.09


I also spent 50 cents to call the power company from a pay phone because our power went out this morning and it's COLD outside.

Today I spent $9.32. We are officially over budget for this week by $2.79. There's no money left in the budget for tomorrow.

Considering that I've been able to go from $30.53 over budget to $2.79 over I think I've done pretty well this week. Today was awful though. I did break down and buy that mocha and some candy but overall I wanted to just let go and splurge on everything imaginable. I wanted to fill my cart with groceries at the end of the day AND bring home a pizza from jets for dinner. Then tomorrow I could cook the day away with all the food I could dream of. Blueberry pancakes with apple butter syrup and bacon AND sausage for breakfast. Guatemalan coffee with hazelnut creamer all day long. Huge ham sandwiches with expensive buns, swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, avocado for lunch. Maybe lasagna or spaghetti with garlic bread for dinner. And then dessert, oooh dessert.

I've read different stories about people who've lived truly impoverished lives. It seems that a lot of impoverished people spend so much time being hungry and thinking about food that when they receive a pay check or some money they blow it all right then and there on all the things they've been dreaming of while starving. I always wondered why, when reading such stories, the people didn't save some of the money to put towards little bits of food until they came into more money. Why would they stuff themselves for that one moment and then have to face all that time without?

I'm not by any means starving but I'm also no longer asking the above question. The need to fulfill the desire, whether it be a desire to fill an empty stomach or to dine on a plethora of luxurious food so easily overshadows the need to be responsible. I half wonder if there are two types of people. 1.) people who live for NOW while totally neglecting any concept of moments to come and 2.) people who realize that life is continuously happening and that we need to be responsible for the moments that are coming. I am certain that I am the first type of person. I'm not oblivious to the future but everything within me foolishly drives me to neglect it and just think about satisfying the cravings of the moment. I'm working toward becoming that second type of person. I want to live life and make the most of each and every breath but I need also to be responsible.